


Passion, Yet Peace

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Dark Rey (Star Wars), F/F, F/M, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Gray Jedi Rey (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Jedi Rey (Star Wars), Just as someone who has PTSD I really relate to Poe, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, None of the psychological conditions are explicitly stated, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romantic Tension, Sexual Tension, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:07:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 39,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22194541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: War had a way of whittling away that naive hope everyone started with, that somehow things would work out, that their people would return. But life didn't work like that. Sometimes it was holding a friend while the light inside them dimmed. Sometimes it was watching whole groups of comrades and friends get torn apart by bombs. Sometimes it was waiting on a crate in a quiet hangar for someone to come back.She glanced down at Finn. He'd torn through her life like a tempest, uprooting everything she'd come to accept as immutable. When it came time for him to leave her, he'd probably go the same way he'd come—in fire and chaos. And she'd mourn the last speck of dust he'd unsettled.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn/Rey
Comments: 65
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

The great void made most people feel small. It was a fixed presence that reminded all those in it how tiny they were, but that wasn’t what Poe saw as he stared out the windscreen. He saw freedom. At the helm of a ship was where he belonged, flying through that massive expanse of space. He suspected Rey felt similarly. 

She sat in the co-pilot’s chair next to him, a smile on her lips that he only ever glimpsed when they were off the ground. The loose fabric crossed over her torso had a few more stitches in it than a couple months ago. Her arm wraps were frayed in parts, and the leather of her boots had scrapes where it’d worn down. She still wore her hair in the same plaits as when Poe’d met her. It was her style, the same way Poe’s style was a leather jacket and just this side of too much stubble.

Organa had sent them on a covert mission into Order-controlled space. She’d anticipated it would require some fancy flying, so she’d sent Rey with Poe while Finn was recruiting in the Mid Rim. They were hard-pressed for more people. The trio took a rotation at some point or another to show their faces on neutral or anti-Order planets, in the hopes of recruiting more people for the Resistance. Thus far, it had worked. Their numbers were building, slower than Organa would have liked, but surely. 

They’d left behind the Millenium Falcon on this run for a more compact ship. The goal was to meet up with a contact on Daru’akad (undetected), get the information they had (undetected), and then leave (undetected). The task was easier said than done with Order-run ships every five clicks, but that was why they’d gone with a non-descript ship and not the fabled Falcon. So far they’d only been stopped and questioned once. Rey had pulled that Jedi mind thing to get the officers to promptly forget about them. Of course, they had forged scandocs, too, but Rey’s method was more reliable.

Daru’akad was another twenty minutes out at least, so Poe had been reading on a datapad in his chair, looking up every so often to see if there were any Order ships nearby. Rey would alert him long before any were visible, even on scanners, but old habits died hard.

“Do you know this contact?” Rey asked while she absently levitated metal beads in her palm. They twirled around each other slowly, like planets orbiting a star.

Poe shook his head and flipped to the next screen of text on his datapad. “They’re some former spy that the general used to work with. She seemed pretty confident in them.”

“I hope it’s worth it. Feels like…four…maybe five Order ships orbiting Daru’akad.”

That brought Poe’s head up. “Kriff, really?”

She glanced at him askance. Unlike Finn, she didn’t bat an eye at his language. They’d grown up in wildly different environments from each other, but Rey’s scavenger life on Jakku and Poe’s military entrenchment had made them passively foul-mouthed. Finn by comparison, with his endless rules and regulations in the First Order, would have faced punishment for not demonstrating deference at all times. He was still getting used to being a human with opinions and free will.

BB-8 rolled up to the helm from the main cabin and chirped, _We have the scandocs [false] to get through._

“BB’s right,” Rey muttered with a frown. “I don’t think I can trick that many people at once—certainly not from a distance.”

Poe sighed and shoved a hand through his hair. The thick, dark waves were messy since he was overdue for a trim, but he hadn’t exactly had time to sit down for a haircut. “Just in case,” he said, “you ready to do some highly questionable maneuvering?”

She had a wry grin. “Always.”

Daru’akad came into view within a few minutes, first as a blue speck, and then growing larger rapidly. It was a heavily forested planet with a surplus of water, but the hostile flora and presence of the Order deterred tourists. Why any contact wanted to meet here was beyond Poe. Then again, he’d found himself in lots of odd places.

True to Rey’s estimate, five Order frigates orbited Daru’akad. As soon as Poe brought them close to atmo, a beep on the dashboard’s comm console signaled someone was hailing them.

“This is Captain Kessem with First Order frigate Barpeda,” a curt voice said when Poe connected the signal. “Please identify yourself.”

Poe glanced at Rey who gave him a nod and grabbed her controls—just in case. “This is Doctor Marwel Carida,” he answered, “on private vessel Phage with my wife, Doctor Hael Rallik.”

“Scandocs please.”

Poe nodded to BB-8 to transmit the falsified scandocs and held his breath. After a moment, the Order captain’s voice came in again.

“Doctors Carida and Rallik, please state your business on Daru’akad.”

“We’re doing research on the endemic flora,” Poe lied, going with the story they’d established beforehand.

“We have not granted a research visit. Please leave and then submit an official request. If it’s accepted, you may return.”

Rey’s hands tightened on her controls as two other frigates grew closer from the right.

“We just need to get a sample,” Poe insisted. “It’ll take five minutes.”

“Then you should have gone through the proper channels. Please leave.”

Poe sighed. Was nothing easy?

The frigates were almost on them. He nodded to Rey. She punched the ship forward. BB-8’s tethers shot out to grip the walls, holding him in place. One of the frigates lurched to get between them and the planet. Poe took his controls and pulled up before they collided. The turrets started firing then.

Any other pairing wouldn’t have been able to pilot a ship at the same time. Two people making one ship move was never a good idea really, but Poe and Rey had done this many times. Rey could always sense the blasts coming at them and dodge. Poe took over whenever they had to perform turns or rolls that only experience could inform. But they took turns, wordless communication between them that allowed the two to do better together than either could alone.

“They’re boxing us in, Poe!” Rey said when two frigates moved above and below them, matching their speed. Another was shooting at them from the right, trying to force them away from the planet.

Poe veered toward the left with a curse. “I can see that!”

A fourth frigate zoomed forward to block his path, and sensors indicated one had gotten behind him. The ship on the right stopped firing, so they wouldn’t hit the one on the left. That was when the one behind them started firing.

“Kriff, kriff, kriff,” Rey bit out between gritted teeth. She pulled off a turn that would have made a larger ship buckle and went for the space between the left frigate and the one above them. 

Poe saw the turrets on their hulls turn and knew they weren’t going to make it. He took over and pulled them toward the right, toward the planet, and in the center of the four hostile frigates.

“Poe?” Rey said, drawing out his name with uncertainty.

The left frigate lowered.

“Poe.” Her pitch rose.

The right started firing again.

“Poe!”

He dove at the space in front of the right frigate. Rey pushed them into a roll just as a shot took out their left thruster. The centripetal force of the roll kept them flying straight. The arc of the planet spun in front of them, growing larger and larger. Poe’s knuckles were white from his grip on the controls. Rey held onto the straps across her chest that kept her to the chair.

“We’re gonna crash!” Poe warned as the stress of the force from their spinning made him dizzy.

“You kriffing think!” Rey shot back. She closed her eyes and took a breath.

BB-8 warbled out something unkind toward Poe.

They hit the atmosphere hard. Poe’s head slammed back into his chair, making his teeth vibrate. Burning ozone lit up outside their windscreen a moment before the trees came into view. Rey’s eyes opened in time to see Poe push their remaining thruster in the opposite direction of their spin. The shuttle evened out with the surface of the planet. The ground was fast approaching.

Poe tried to activate the front landing thrusters to slow their descent, but they were unresponsive. He fumbled with the controls, trying to get the landing thrusters back on line. Nothing worked.

The trees were seconds away.

Poe looked at Rey, fearing the worst. She unstrapped herself from her chair a moment before they collided with the trees. The force of it snapped Poe’s head forward, making the muscles in his neck strain. His eyes squeezed shut instinctively. 

Something warm enveloped him. He dimly thought it might be flames as the screech of metal rending deafened him. The crack of trees and branches breaking was too clear to be outside the ship, meaning at least part of the hull had been ripped away.

Kriff, this wasn't how he wanted to die. 

The ground hit hard, a jolt of force that burst through Poe's chest and threatened to break the delicate ribs in it. The next jolt was only slightly softer, and then they were rolling, whatever was left of the ship groaning and thudding. It seemed an eternity until they stopped. 

Poe's sense of stability spun. He took a moment to open his eyes. Rey was practically sitting in his lap, arms wrapped around him and his chair. Her head rested on his shoulder. The windscreen behind her was gone, shards of it clinging to the edges of the frame. There was no roof, and a glance to the right showed no side either. In fact, an unnaturally straight line marked the remaining half of the ship, as if the impact hadn't touched anything beyond the line. 

They were in the middle of densely packed trees. Dappled light filtered between their broad leaves. The rush and slosh of running water sounded distantly, and a blanket of humidity weighted the air. Flaming splinters of wood and cracked trees marked their crash path.

BB-8s chirp sounded behind Poe, a standard affirmative of functionality.

"Rey?" Poe said when she didn't move. 

His hands came up from where he’d gripped his armrests and rested on her waist. Warmth trickled down his fingers. He held them above her shoulder to look at them. Blood, red and thick, covered his hand.

Cold dread shot through him. He fumbled with the straps holding him down in his rush, virtually ripping them off. Rey was limp in his arms as he lifted her. BB-8 rolled aside to let him lay her on the section of flooring still intact behind his chair. 

Five shards of glass jutted out of her back. BB-8 chirped his alarm. Poe crouched down and carefully removed the larger shards. None of them went very deep, which was a small miracle—or perhaps her own doing. There was no way she could have held onto him through the crash without the Force, and she might have prevented the shards from tearing through her ribcage and spine. He glanced at the straight edge on one side of the ship. She must have held this small section of the ship together, at the cost of herself.

But she was breathing.

The screech of a TIE fighter echoed overhead a moment before it flew past them. It’d start firing when it circled back. Poe wrapped Rey in his jacket before slinging her over his back. BB-8 stayed close to him as he sprinted into the trees. Blaster shots shook the ground around him. Flashes of light between the trees marked where the TIE fighter shot. It was banking toward the right, so Poe veered left. Rey’s blood dripped off his knuckles where he gripped her thighs.

“Don’t you die on me,” he rasped as the trees flew by him. He tried to keep as level footing as possible while bounding over tree roots and bushes. They seemed to grab at his ankles, as if trying to trip him. But he’d be damned if he let them have her.

BB-8’s warning chirps made him slow to a stop. The trees ended here, giving way to a chasm. The mouth of it was sleek, gray stone. Water roared at the bottom, but it was a good fifteen feet down.

The TIE fighter’s screech was growing louder. 

Poe’s hands tightened on Rey. And he jumped.

#

Finn buckled over, air abruptly leaving him in a rush. Something was very, very wrong. Flashes of broken glass and twisted metal shot through his mind. Burning pain down his back. Warmth on his hands that shouldn’t be there.

“Finn?” Rose’s voice sounded a system away.

They stood in the conference room of a Resistance station. The Malastare system was a dim blur out of the tall windows behind Finn. A hologram star chart projected above the room’s central console. Three other rebel officers stood across the console, watching Finn with worried eyes. 

Rose touched his shoulder, and he jolted back to himself. His back straightened slowly as he tried to get his bearings. What the Force was that?

“Finn?” Rose repeated, brows knitting together.

He looked down at her. Concern shimmered in her brown eyes—eyes that could also burn hotter than a star. Her jumpsuit was slightly unzipped, and she hadn’t pinned up her hair, letting it spill over her shoulders like a black curtain. He put a hand over hers where it still rested on his shoulder. His umber skin was a stark contrast to her fairer complexion.

Before he could speak, the grating blare of the alarm went off, and a woman burst through the door at the back of the room.

“TIE fighters incoming!” she shouted. “Evacuate!”

“Kriff,” Rose muttered a moment before pulling Finn by his arm toward the door. 

The main hallway was packed with rebels rushing for the hangar on the east side. The ribbed, metal arches interspersed along the hall had red lights fixed to them, shining while the alarm echoed against the walls. Finn grabbed Rose’s hand to stay together as they pushed through the crowd of rebels. They were two of the better gunners on the station, and currently, the Resistance’s best offensive force. The faster they got to their ship, the better.

The hallway emptied into a broad hangar. The mouth showed the stars and speeding ships. Many of the X-wings were already off, but a few still sat in the hangar. Rebels rushed to their respective ships. Rose and Finn sprinted to their armored skiff sitting near the front of the hangar. 

It had two compartments—a pilot’s chamber and a rear turret. Rose climbed into the front while Finn slid into the back. The skiff didn’t utilize glass, instead projecting a 360 display of the outside on the walls of the compartment. It lit up with a visual of the hangar as soon as Finn settled in his chair. 

“Ready?” Rose asked through the ship’s comm link.

Finn buckled himself in and grabbed the controls between his legs. “Ready,” he affirmed.

She launched the ship out of the hangar. Finn watched the metal flooring below turn into a field of stars. A green grid lit up in front of him with a circle in the center of it for targeting. TIE fighters and X-wings tangled together above, red and green beams of light flying between them. Rose brought them into the thick of the fight.

A TIE fighter came screeching from below them. Finn turned his display down until the ship was in the center of his targeting circle. He let off a single shot, blasting one of the fighter’s wings clean off. Most of them falsely assumed their skiff couldn’t aim below or to their sides, but they could.

“Red, what are you doing!” someone shouted over the comm. “You’re in their sightlines!”

Rose wrenched the skiff back, lining up a shot with a TIE fighter in pursuit of a red-marked X-wing. Beams of red shot from the front of the skiff, squarely hitting the TIE fighter, but not before it shot the X-wing’s left engine. The ships rolled uncontrollably before the force of it ripped them in half in a plume of smoke and sparks. 

“Freighter incoming!” someone warned.

A massive ship blocked Finn’s view of almost all the stars above him. It was rectangular with engines as big as the station fixed to every face at the rear. A freighter wasn’t a Star Destroyer, but it would carry more TIE fighters than they could handle. 

Finn looked down at the small, triangular Resistance station. TIE fighters were rushing at it from all sides. They were grossly outnumbered.

“We know Gunnery Sergeant Rose Tico and the defector FN-2187 is with you,” a foreign voice crackled onto the public comm. “Surrender them, and we’ll spare your pathetic, little station.”

A flurry of outrage inundated the channels from the other rebels, telling the Order to cram it and well-meaning words about not giving up their own. But now wasn’t the time for ideals. Everyone here would lose—die—if they didn’t accept those terms. Finn knew that better than anyone. He’d once been on the other side, watching the Order tear through ships like they were tissue paper with no regard for the lives inside.

“What do you want to do, Finn?” Rose asked over their private link. “I’m ready to surrender myself.”

Finn’s stomach dropped, but he didn’t hesitate to say, “Let’s do it.”

Rose clicked onto the public channel. “This is Gunnery Sergeant Tico,” she said without a hint of uncertainty. “Finn and I are prepared to surrender, but you have to pull your fighters back first.”

Finn opened a private line to the station’s control. He only said, “Get ready to jump.”

“You have a deal,” the Order officer said.

More refusal from the rebel channel. It didn’t matter now.

Finn looked back as the TIE fighters surrounding the station pulled back, enough that it could conceivably make a run for it, but not far enough that it wasn’t in shooting distance. Rose pulled the skiff up toward the freighter. It wasn’t hard to find a hangar door in the side of the boxy hull.

“As soon as we’re on the freighter,” Finn said through the rebel channel, “all of you jump away. That’s an order.”

There were muttered curses on the line, and then begrudging confirmations.

As soon as the nose of the skiff touched the hangar’s atmo shield, the Resistance station and outlying X-wings jumped into hyperspace. Finn let out a breath, relieved that at least they’d gotten away. 

The freighter’s hanger was lined to the ceiling with TIE fighters, packed together like they were the walls. Rose set the skiff down on an empty part of the bay. First Order officers and stormtroopers marched through an archway to the right, blasters raised at the skiff.

“Ready?” Rose asked, voice soft through their private line.

Finn wasn’t, but he reached for the overhead door latch. “Let’s go.”


	2. Chapter 2

_ 6 months ago... _

Hoth was freezing. Rey had been warned before they’d made a temporary encampment in an old Rebel Alliance base, but nothing could have prepared her for the endless flurry of ice and snow. She drew her heavy jacket closer to her as she stood in the frost-ridden hangar, staring at the icy expanse through the open doors.

A couple mechanics working on the X-wings nearby gave her curious looks. She’d been standing there for almost half an hour, but she wasn’t ready to leave just yet. Her boys were on their way home. She knew it like she knew Hoth was cold.

Ten more minutes went by before the skiff soared into the hangar. Rose got out of the front first, sporting an impressive black eye and a bandaged arm. She seemed otherwise unharmed and shuffled to a crate against the back wall, probably for the mechanical parts in it. 

Finn climbed out the back. He had a limp and a scabbed over cut across his jaw, but despite his state, a smile broke across his face when he saw Rey waiting.

“Hey,” he said, voice rough and strained.

Rey rushed to him, but didn’t touch him for fear of hurting him. “Hey yourself,” she mumbled before gingerly touching the scab on his jaw. 

Warmth filled her on an inhale. Like water rushing into a glass, it occupied every space in her until it had nowhere to go. A kind of resonance warbled in her ears—a low, steady note that grew louder. Then there was a second note, quieter and softer. The two hummed together, winding around the other in harmony.

Rey exhaled, and some of her warmth flowed out of her hand and into Finn. The cut on his jaw faded to soft skin. He stood straighter as the damage in his leg disappeared. A shuddering breath left him when Rey withdrew her hand. The resonance quieted to silence, and the cold of Hoth returned to her bones.

“What...was that?” Finn breathed, touching the healed skin along his jaw. 

“A bit of healing,” she explained. “My strength to add to yours.”

He smiled as he wrapped his arms around her slighter frame. “Thank you.”

She pressed her face into his shoulder. It smelled of leather and Poe’s aftershave. Poe had given Finn this jacket after Ren destroyed the other. Leather jackets and hair gel were the two things Poe was never in short supply of.

When Rey pulled away, she straightened out Finn’s jacket and rested a hand over a lapel. “We’re going to have to leave Hoth soon,” she said. “You should rest as much as you can before then.”

He nodded. “I intend to. I haven’t slept for at least thirty-eight hours.”

She was about to ask why when Black One pulled into the hangar. Both of them stood straighter as the X-wing touched down, and the pressurized cabin hissed open. Poe started to climb out, but his leg gave out mid-way. He collapsed into the side and started to fall.

Rey’s hand shot out as tendrils of heat pulsed up her spine. Poe halted in the air before he hit the ground. Finn ran to him while she gently lowered his body down. Echoes of pain that weren’t her own seized her chest and half her face. Rose called for a medic.

“Poe?” Finn murmured as he pried Poe’s helmet off.

A deep gash trickled blood from Poe’s cheek, and the awkward position of it indicated the bone beneath was broken. Rey knew what Finn would find when he unzipped Poe’s jumpsuit. It burned in her own chest. 

“The blood is putting pressure on his lungs and heart,” she mumbled more to herself than anyone. Her legs felt heavy as they carried her toward him.

A piece of thin metal was buried in the bottom of Poe’s ribcage. It went deep, and only an inch of it showed outside of his flesh. His breathing was shallow. He opened his eyes slowly when Rey hovered a hand over the metal that had pierced him.

“Can you help him?” Finn asked, a nervous edge to his tone.

She held Poe’s eyes. “Yes,” she said, “but it’s going to hurt.”

Poe’s eyes squeezed shut.

Rey sucked in a deep breath and let her senses surround the metal. It’d narrowly missed his lung, instead burrowing into his diaphragm. He’d flown like this, across the vast vacuum of space, to get back here.

The metal shot out of him since Rey wanted that part to be quick. He let out a choked groan. She immediately pressed her hands to the wound, letting all her warmth and light fill her. The resonance was loud in her ears. Its highs and lows beat in time with her heart, and then she could hear his beating—frantic and uneven. A higher and faster resonance rang against hers. The two weren’t dissonant, as she had thought they might be. The harmony was different than Finn’s, lively and fierce. Its pull took her with the insistence and grace of a dance partner’s guiding grip.

Poe gasped in a deep breath as the blood in his chest reabsorbed into his veins, relieving the pressure around his lungs and heart. His cheek pulled itself into proper shape with a series of cracks and then fleshed over. 

Rey collapsed beside him, the warmth in her dwindling into a faint flame. The cold returned to her in a rush. She shivered uncontrollably as fatigue weighed on her limbs and eyes. Poe’s chest moved as it should against her with each of his breaths, and he turned over clumsily to pull her shaking form against him and the warmth he offered. Finn came to her other side. She wouldn’t stop shaking, even pressed between them.

“You overdid it,” Finn murmured, his breath grazing her temple.

She didn’t have the strength to reply. Her boys were home and alive. That was all that mattered.

#

_ Present day... _

Rey had known they would crash. She knew it the moment they’d gotten boxed in. Poe had gone with the best option—crashing toward land rather than in space where the frigates would just shoot them down. It was then her job to make sure they survived. 

So she’d slowed their descent as much as possible. Her arms were already around Poe when they hit the trees. The force of impact ripped half the ship off, and it was all she could do to hold their side together. When the ground hit, her hold started slipping. The last bit of the windscreen sprayed at her, sending shards of glass into her back. And then they started rolling.

She didn’t know when she lost consciousness.

Every muscle in her body ached now. Her back was raw and tender beneath her, but the skin seemed stiff, indicating her wounds had scabbed over. A headache beat through her skull with every beat of her heart. Pain was good, though. Pain meant she’d lived. 

The sound of water dripping echoed, as if in a cavern. It was cool, but not cold where she lay. Something soft cushioned her neck and head. Her eyes didn’t focus immediately when she forced them open. Jagged stone filled her vision, glittering with whatever. Arches of refracted light cast soft shades of blue and yellow over the ceiling. She tried to sit up, but her back spasmed and sent her hard into the ground. A cry of pain escaped her.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Poe’s voice was nearby, urgent but gentle. “Easy there. You’re in no shape to move.”

She bit her lip to halt the tears that had started in her eyes. Poe came into her view, a bruise forming on his chin and small scratches scabbed on his neck and cheek. His hair was damp. Dark strands clung to his face and forehead. He was shirtless, allowing beads of water to slide down his shoulders and over his chest. The scar from the shrapnel that had pierced his chest cavity months ago was a knot of raised skin on his lower ribs.

She reached up shakily toward him, even as her arm screamed at her not to move. He caught her hand in both of his.

“You’re all right?” she breathed.

He nodded. “Yeah, I’m all good. So’s B.”

A relieved sigh left her as she held his brown eyes. “You son of a bitch.” She didn’t have the strength to sound anything other than breathless. “The next time you want to pull off a stunt like that, don’t.”

“I’m sorry.” He bent his head and pressed her knuckles to his forehead, obscuring his face behind her arms. “I made a bad call. It nearly killed you.”

If she’d been alone, she would have been fine. What’d nearly killed her was protecting him. “It wasn’t a bad call. I know why you went for the opening in front of that frigate. Honestly, it might have been the best option we had, but I’m still mad about it.” She tried to take a deep breath, but a twinge made her stop. An eclectic compilation of curse words tumbled from her lips.

Poe brought his head up, smiling wryly. “It’s so good to hear you speaking normally.”

“Screw you, Dameron.” She smiled and squeezed his hand. “What’s the damage?”

“Your back is pretty torn up, but it’s stopped bleeding. I...uh… Well, I had to pull your top off to clean out the wounds. I promise I didn’t look at anything...indecent.”

She glanced down at herself. Her bandeau was still on, albeit looser than it had been. That might’ve been from glass cutting through it, though, not Poe. “Well, fair’s fair. I’d say I got more out of the trade, though.”

He blinked and then grinned. “I aim to please.” 

“What  _ did  _ you do with your shirt, though?” she asked seriously. 

His expression fell. “Well, I had to stop the bleeding with something. My shirt was the best I could do. And I put my jacket under your head.”

She grimaced, disliking his exposure on her behalf, but she couldn’t make him take it back now with her blood soaking his shirt.

“How do you feel overall?” he asked and smoothed her hair back from her face. “You’ve been unconscious for almost six hours.”

“Well, I don’t think I’m going to be taking on any Star Destroyers soon.” Her eyes glanced around the cavern they seemed to be holed up in. One end had light, but she couldn’t make out anything in the brightness. “Where are we?”

“Subterranean caves.” He shoved a hand through his hair, sending more water down his shoulders. “I had to find a place to hide from the Order while you were out. This was the best I could do.”

Trying to sense how close anyone was to them made her headache worse, so she didn’t try very hard. “Can we expect an extraction team?” she asked.

“B said he managed to send out a distress signal to Finn and Rose right before we were hit, but there’s a chance the Order intercepted it. I just hope that they didn’t track it to the Malastare station. B was a little pressed for time, and his encryption wasn’t great.”

“Finn and Rose are crafty. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Rey ran her thumb over Poe’s palm, which was still clasped in hers, feeling the calluses left from years of fighting.

“On the off chance no one’s coming for us,” she continued, “we should look for a way off, or at the very least, find a way to contact the Resistance. B can’t launch a signal without a boost from a comm system, and I think it’s safe to say we can’t salvage the ship’s.”

Poe nodded. “I think our best bet is going to be finding an Order base and stealing a ship.” He sat down next to her, dropping their clasped hands to the floor, but he didn’t let go. “You need to rest up before we try anything like that, though. B’s stored enough nutrient paste to last us a couple days.”

“Where is B?” Rey asked. She hadn’t heard the little droid since she woke up.

“Soaking in sunlight to charge his batteries. We don’t exactly have a charging port here.” Poe rubbed his eyes. “He thinks the sun will set in an hour or so, and he’s agreed to keep watch over us in the night while we sleep...not that I’ll sleep much.”

Rey frowned at that. “Because foreign planet and impending doom...or the nightmares?”

His silence gave her the answer. He hadn’t slept well since Ren had tortured him, and sometimes woke in the night with the past still in his eyes. The nightmares had only gotten worse since Crait when they’d lost unconscionable numbers—many of their friends among them.

“I’ll be good to go in the morning,” Rey said, deciding it best to change the subject. “I’ve bounced back pretty quickly from these things before.”

He nodded tersely. “B’s scanners think there’s a base just east of here, so we can make our way that direction when you’re ready.” 

When he started to rise, she held his hand tighter, pulling him back down. "Wait."

He stared down at her expectantly. 

"Thank you, Poe...for looking after me."

The lines of his face softened as a rueful smile touched his lips. "That's my line."

She let his hand slip out of hers as he stood. 

"I'm going to do some scouting," he said. "B isn't far, so if you need something, just call for him."

Rey nodded. "Be safe." After a beat, she added, "Please."

"I won't go far or do anything reckless."

"I've heard that before."

"So have I." He gave a knowing smile.

She would neither confirm nor deny that she was his match in both stubbornness and headstrong determination. Besides, their novel-sized files of insubordination complaints spoke for them.

"Get some rest, Rey," he said and headed toward the light end of the cave. 

She closed her eyes once he'd disappeared and pressed the hand he'd held to her chest.

#

Poe was a bastard, and he knew it. His bad decision had nearly cost Rey her life. She shouldn’t have been thanking him just for making sure she didn’t succumb to the injuries he’d caused. 

After jumping into the caverns’ waters, he’d carried Rey through a web of caves to hide in, warmer than the cold fear that’d taken root in his gut. She’d bled so much. Her top had turned red from it.

BB-8 had helped him dry out his own shirt with a welding torch while he’d stripped Rey’s off. Her injuries hadn’t been deep, but they’d been broad, creating a mess of gashes across her back. They’d scar badly since he hadn’t anything to stitch her up with. That only added to his guilt, knowing she’d bear the marks of his mistake forever.

And then, like a true bastard, he hadn’t stopped himself from looking at her exposed figure. At least she’d been wearing a bandeau beneath her top, so he didn’t have to add ‘lecher’ to his list of sins. His eyes had still wandered over the smooth, fair skin of her shoulders and midriff—taut over hard muscle. His hand had still clutched hers while he prayed for her to stay with him. His heart had still ached with the fear that she wouldn’t.

He could’ve said that his panic in all its intensity was just from not wanting to lose another comrade, but he would’ve been lying. She was so much more than just another soldier. It’d take an act of the Force for him to admit that, as violently as he’d repressed it over the past few months. They were at war. One day, she might not make it back, like so many others. And he honestly hoped he'd die before that day. 

So he pretended the ache in his chest was fatigue, and the tingle in his hand where she’d held it was just residual from her body heat. Nothing more.

His boots crunched over the ground as he wandered between the trees, looking for evidence of sentient beings. The forest wasn’t quiet, alive with the buzz of insects and chirp of the local fauna. So far, all he’d found were a few scratches on the tree trunks that might have indicated mechs had gone through here, but the flora grew over the ground too fast to let him see tracks. His best guess was that the mechs had headed east, which would support BB-8’s preliminary scans suggesting a base in that direction.

With a sigh, he made his way back toward the chasm that led to the caves. One side of it wasn’t as steep and had decent footholds. He still had to be careful as he climbed down the face since it was slick with water. The rush of the underground reservoir churning at the bottom echoed off the stone walls, and sprays of it splashed up occasionally, catching him. His hair, which had dried somewhat, was back to being soaked by the time he found the cave he wanted in the chasm’s face. BB-8 still sat at the mouth of it with his solar panels out to soak up the dwindling sunlight.

_ Status Friend-Poe? _ he beeped.

Poe wrung out his hair. “I’m all right, buddy. Could I get some paste?”

The droid opened a compartment in its body filled with foil-wrapped nutrient paste packs. Poe took two and thanked BB-8 before heading deeper into the cave.

Rey was asleep again, her chest rising and falling steadily, but when he sat beside her, her eyes snapped open. Those brown irises fixed on him. He resented the flutter in his chest, but plastered a smile on his face.

“Sorry to wake you,” he said and held out one of the nutrient packs. “Hungry?”

She started to lift her hand, but it dropped heavily. “I think I might need some help with that.” Color filled her cheeks when she spoke. She wasn’t the type to ask for help with anything.

He broke the seal at the top of the pack, creating a small slit, and held it to her mouth. She ate slowly, and he took care to only squeeze out a little bit of paste at a time. The cave was getting dark by the time she finished. He started eating the paste in his own pack, tiredness weighing his shoulders down, but he wasn’t sleepy—never was these days.

“You're upset," she said abruptly. 

He arched a brow. "Your Jedi senses coming back online?"

"No, I just have eyes." She looked him over. "What's wrong?"

"What isn't?" He gestured around them.

"We've been in worse binds than this." She inched her hand closer to him until she found his knee. "What's wrong?"

He stared at her a long moment, debating how to answer. "You almost died, and it was my fault." It was true, albeit not the whole truth. "And I'm going to have to live with that."

"For all we know, any other decision might've killed us both. You can't hold that on yourself." Her eyelids fluttered, as if she were trying to keep them open. "We lived, Poe. I'm alive."

He took her hand from his knee and laid it on her stomach. "You need to rest. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

Her eyes closed. "I would die for you, if it came to that."

The very thought made Poe's chest constrict. "I'd rather take my own life."

She mumbled something that sounded like, "Please don't." And then her breathing evened out and deepened.

He stared at her, something dangerously close to longing simmering behind his sternum. Now wasn't the time to deal with his idiocy. Even if she felt anything beyond friendship for him, he'd never let her get that close. It hurt enough to see friends off to the other side. It'd kill him to see her. 

The cave dimmed gradually until the darkness was all-consuming. Hours passed in the silence. Still, Poe didn't sleep. He usually didn't until his eyelids refused to stay open and his body decided to shut down.

Rey's shudder startled him. He felt blindly through the dark until he found her arm. Goosebumps covered her skin. She was shivering. The humidity kept the air from being freezing, but the night was still cold. 

Poe cursed and tried to think of what to do. His jacket was bunched underneath her head. She'd be uncomfortable if he moved it. The other option was sharing his own body heat, but he was already feeling like a creep. 

"Poe," she rasped. Her teeth chattered. 

He was an absolute bastard. 

He slid down next to her and gathered her in his arms. Her skin was cold against his, and she sank into the warmth he offered. When her face pressed into his chest, a burst of protectiveness shot through him, burning from his head to his toes. His arms tightened around her, careful to avoid the tender gashes on her back. They were all scabbed over now at least.

Her shivers dissipated after a minute, and she craned her head up to bury her face into his neck. She sighed. Her breath tickled on his damp skin. Fingers splayed against his hip, cold and callused from wielding a staff. He slid his hand behind her head and cradled her to him. She hummed, body relaxing against his like she belonged there.

The scent of salt and engine oil, her scent, filled his nose as he pressed his cheek to the top of her head. His eyes slid closed. And when the spark behind his chest grew, he let it. Just for this moment.


	3. Chapter 3

Blood dripped onto the floor, the bright red a stark contrast to the black paneling. Finn spit more out. An ache had started in his knees from their pressing into the floor. His arms shook under his weight, but he still lifted one to wipe the blood from his lips. 

“Where is Commander Poe Dameron and Lieutenant Rey?” the Order officer repeated.

Finn huffed out a dark chuckle. “Out of your reach,” he muttered, words garbled slightly from the swelling in his cheek.

The kick caught him in the abdomen. He fell to his side, air leaving him in a rush. The next round of coughing brought blood trickling down a corner of his lips. Harsh light glared down at him from the fixtures in the ceiling. The metal cell they were in was barely big enough for the two of them, with walls thick enough that no one would hear Finn’s screams—not that anyone would come. Everyone on this blighted freighter, save for Rose, worked for the Order.

The officer standing above him was a lean man. He stood tall in his gray uniform, like was proud to wear it. Maybe Finn would have been, too, before Poe and before Rey. The residue of his conditioning was a nagging voice in the back of his mind, telling him to give up the fight and show deference to a superior officer. But that wasn’t his superior officer. And he wasn’t going to give up. Poe and Rey wouldn’t.

The officer’s boot came down on his throat, just enough that Finn struggled to breathe.

“Phasma should’ve put you down,” the officer said with a cruel twist to his lips. “You’re a disgrace to the Order.”

Finn’s lips moved, but he couldn’t get the words out.

“What was that?” the officer asked and lifted his boot slightly.

Finn sucked in a breath. “I said, ‘Thanks for the kriffing compliment.” He spit blood onto the officer’s pantleg a moment before the boot came back down, harder this time.

The door beeped open. A stormtrooper stepped in and quickly said, “We’re near Daru’akad, sir.”

“Very well,” the officer grumbled and lifted his boot.

Finn coughed and gasped, desperate for air. Another kick hit him in the gut, making his vision go dark for a moment, but then the officer left. 

For several minutes, all Finn could do was cough on the floor. Some of his ribs were definitely broken, and blood kept flowing out of a tear in his cheek where a punch had sliced it against his teeth. It wasn’t the worst shape he’d been in, but it was close. 

He groaned as he pushed himself to a sitting position, his ribs protesting every small muscle movement. His back rested heavily on the wall while he caught his breath. The officer had interrogated him for well over forty minutes, asking about the Resistance or Poe or Rey. They all had names for themselves at this point and bounties on their heads in over twenty star systems. 

If Finn recalled correctly, Poe and Rey were on a covert mission together. He was thankful that he didn’t know the specifics, so Kylo Ren couldn’t pull it from his mind. He’d rather die, endure centuries of torture, than put them at risk.

Rose was probably getting the same treatment as him, but he was confident she would stay silent. She had the kind of brazen courage that came from being a true believer. Her faith in the cause, in the Resistance, rivaled Poe’s, and Finn admired that. He’d even adopted that sense of baseless hope they seemed to have in spades.

“Rebellions are built on hope,” Poe had once said—a line passed on from a friend of his father’s.

Finn closed his eyes and prayed Poe and Rey were safe wherever they were.

#

_5 months ago..._

Poe woke with a start. The smoke left behind from Kana’s X-wing passed before his eyes and disappeared into the darkness of space. He rubbed his face with shaking hands, as if that could somehow erase the memories. His tears stung, but didn’t fall. Gasping breaths, too fast to be healthy, made him dizzy.

“Poe?” Finn’s voice in the dark was soft and worried.

Nothing came out of Poe’s mouth, but rushed air. When something touched his wrist, he froze. The cuffs holding him down chafed with every thrash of his body. There was no escape. In his thoughts and in his memories, tearing up his sins to bring to the forefront, touching corners that he kept dark for a reason—an invasion into the deepest parts of him, and Ren hadn’t the right.

“Poe?” Finn’s voice was higher now, almost scared.

The pain in Poe’s chest grew until it turned his skin icy. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t move. He could only watch. Silent explosions snuffed out in the vacuum, killing just a little more of him each time.

It should have been him.

It should have been him. 

It should have been him. 

"Poe!"

Something pulled him onto his back. The outline of Finn’s face in the dark hovered over him. 

_Why are you helping me?_

_Because it’s the right thing to do._

“Hold your breath,” Finn instructed, almost begging. “Please. Hold your breath for a while.”

Poe did as told. 

Finn counted quietly for six seconds, and then said, “And let it out as slow as you can.”

Poe failed that one, breathing out in a rush and then gasping in, but he held his breath again.

“That’s good.” Finn’s voice was impossibly gentle. He counted for another six seconds.

When Poe breathed out this time, it was shaky, but slower. Finn kept talking him through his breaths, low voice replacing the screams in Poe’s memories. Some amount of time passed—minutes probably, but it felt like hours. By the time Poe breathed normally, a deep fatigue had settled in his bones.

He was in bed. The sheets were warm. Finn was above him. This was the room they shared at the base. They weren’t under attack. Ren wasn’t here.

“May I sit next to you?” Finn asked.

Poe didn't think he could talk, so he just nodded. 

The bed dipped where Finn sat. “Do you want to talk about it?”

That idea made Poe nauseous, so he shook his head.

“Do you want me to stay beside you, or would you prefer to be left alone?”

Poe had no idea what he wanted. He stayed silent.

“May I touch you?”

Poe nodded.

Finn’s fingers were gentle as they carder through Poe's hair. The touch didn't elicit any flight response, and it felt nice. Finn did that for a while, eventually pushing his fingers into Poe's scalp. The pressure was blessed. 

And then Finn withdrew his hand. 

"I'll let you sleep," he said, but when he started to rise, Poe's hand darted out to grip his wrist. 

Finn stopped. "Do you want me to sleep here with you?" 

Poe hesitated before nodding. It wasn't right of him to make the request, but he needed...something—something Finn had. 

"All right," Finn murmured and slid under the sheets. They were both shirtless, and Poe was grossly unprepared for having bare skin on his. But Finn didn't touch him more. 

"This all right?" Finn's voice was right next to his ear. He'd rested his head on Poe's pillow, and they were so terribly close since the bed was only built for one. 

Poe gripped the sheets over him and bent his head as something threatened to undo the calm he'd managed to build. The shuddering breath he let out seemed to prompt Finn to cup his cheek, a tentative touch. He couldn't stop his tears then, and when Finn pulled him closer, the warmth between them inspired more tears. 

When the day came that they had to say goodbye, Poe wouldn’t be ready. 

He never was.

#

_Present day..._

The scent of leather and oil was all around Rey. She drew in a breath of it, letting it warm her lungs. The memory of long days spent working on broken ships and sharp quips exchanged with laughter ran dimly through her mind. Dark hair and a darker stare followed the half-formed thoughts. 

Her head rested on something warm and soft and saturated with the scent of leather and oil. She pressed into it. A low groan reached her ears, and the sound reverberated against her chest and cheek. Her eyes fluttered open. An expanse of olive skin filled her vision, muscles corded thickly beneath. Her head rested in the space between Poe’s chest and neck. His arms were around her, holding her loosely against him. He was warm. 

The ache was gone from her body, letting her trail curious fingers along his side. When she got to his chest, she pressed her palm to his sternum. His heart beat steadily beneath. He must have been asleep still, such a rare thing that she didn’t want to disturb him. Instead, she occupied herself with watching the curve of his neck as he breathed.

If she let herself, she could imagine dragging her teeth along the skin there. The salt on his skin was almost palpable now, as if daring her to taste it. Her nails itched to dig into his back and then wander up, so she could get a fistful of his hair. The waves were thick, she knew. His callused hands would be perfectly rough on her skin, feeling much the same as her own—the deft hands of a mechanic and soldier. She could almost taste his lips and feel their softness on her tongue.

But she didn't let herself imagine that.

Such things made her head swim and left her unfocused. The Force seemed to grow darker around her, a pull to passion and indulgence. It beckoned with the power to make him hers, to tear the stars asunder against anyone who’d harm him, to protect him with all that she was and ever could be. Maybe she could deal with her feelings when she was more settled in the light, but she didn’t trust herself just yet.

She craned her neck back to look at his face. The lines between his brows and around his mouth were softer in his sleep. Some of his hair fell over his forehead, compelling Rey to sweep it back.

“What are you doing?” he mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

She smiled. “Did I wake you?”

He let out a breath. “Not really. I’ve been dozing in and out for the past hour.”

“Well, that’s good. It’s so rare I see you sleep.” She rested her hand on his cheek. “Any nightmares?”

“No,” he said, the word soft on his lips.

“That’s an improvement.” She ran her thumb over his stubble and tried not to think about how it’d feel on her lips.

His eyes opened, and as soon as they met hers, a rush of heat filled her. Their legs were twisted together. Skin met skin where she was pressed to his torso. Her fingers slipped into his hair without a thought, and she bunched it in a fist. The sound that escaped him was halfway between a gasp and a moan. His head bent back from her pulling, exposing the column of his throat. 

She let go of his hair and rolled away. “You need a haircut, Dameron,” she said lightly, even as her heart pounded. 

He sat up, his expression unreadable, and then chuckled humorlessly. “You seem better.”

“Yeah, I think I can start moving around.” She stared at his back, trying to figure out why darkness hung around him now.

“That’s good.” His tone betrayed nothing of his thoughts. “I’ll get us some nutrient packs. Sit tight.”

“Oh...sure. Thank you.”

He headed toward the light end of the cave without another word.

Rey couldn’t shake the sense that she’d hurt him.

#

The walk to the mouth of the cave did little for Poe’s nerves, but at least he’d put distance between himself and Rey. He knew the look she’d given him. It was the same one he had. And wasn’t that just a kick in the teeth? He could deal with his own, stupid desires, but damned if he knew what to do about hers? Worse, what if it ran deeper than that? He’d never dare to entertain falling in love. It’d just hurt more when they had to part—by death or otherwise.

BB-8 sat near the cave’s edge. He chirped a greeting. Poe mustered as best a smile he could and asked for some more nutrient packs. When BB-8 handed them over, he headed back to Rey. She was wearing his jacket, which set off some primal part of his brain. He couldn’t stop thinking about her wearing _only_ his jacket. And that was not at all helpful for the mood he was in.

“Do you mind?” she asked sweetly. “My top is shredded, and your shirt is soaked with blood.”

He didn’t answer for a moment, half expecting his body to implode and vaguely disappointed when it didn’t. “No, yeah. Of course. It looks...good...on you.”

She fiddled with the bottom. “Really? It’s a bit too big. I think Finn wears it better.”

So they were just going down a list of desires Poe was repressing. “Well, that is why I let him have the first one.”

“You both have pretty broad shoulders,” she said, heedless of his rapidly declining mental state. “I feel so small between you two sometimes.”

Poe was definitely not imagining her between them because that was absurd and wildly inappropriate. “You could destroy us with a thought, Rey, regardless of size.”

A glimmer of mischief shone in her gaze. “Now there’s a thought. I like taking down the bigger ones.”

And it was time to start panicking.

“We should head out now,” he said before she could undo him anymore. “Days aren’t that long here.”

“Breakfast on the go?” She nabbed a nutrient pack from him as she walked by.

“I’ve never heard you complain about eating before,” he muttered and followed her, “in any circumstance.”

She glanced at him over her shoulder with a slow smile. “Well, I could eat.”

He considered setting himself on fire for longer than anyone should. Was she doing this on purpose, or was he just an asshole? It could’ve been either, honestly. Their sense of humor was vexingly similar. 

She pulled his jacket tighter around her. “I might just keep this,” she said. “It’s quite comfortable.”

“Are you and Finn going to steal all my clothes?” Poe grumbled, which was the wrong question to ask because he immediately started thinking about Rey’s slight figure in one of his baggy shirts and Finn in a pair of his skin-tight flight pants.

Rey rolled her eyes and unsealed her nutrient pack. “Only if you want,” she said. “Now stop looking so sour and eat your breakfast.”

He did eat his breakfast, but refused to stop looking sour.


	4. Chapter 4

_4 months ago..._

Finn sat between Poe and Rey at the bar. They were all banged up, with a wide assortment of bruises and scrapes, but they were laughing. Maybe it was the spice beer. Maybe it was the company. Maybe it was just the relief of not dying today.

The port station they were on was just on the outreaches of the Mid Rim. Lightyears of space separated them from any system in all directions. They'd all just returned from an assault on the Black Spire Outpost, and while the Resistance had reclaimed the base from the Order, they'd lost at least ten in the fight. The weight of their loss lingered over the merriment of the rebels in the lounge, a bittersweet celebration of accomplishment and life left to live. They were crowded around tables. Mugs went into the air and clinked together. Laughter filled the air, adding to the warmth in the room. A droid manned the bar, its spindly shape agile as it served drinks and made preprogrammed puns. The alcohol on the shelves behind it was scarce more than a few jugs of home-brewed beer. When Finn had drunk his first pint, he thought it tasted like spicy starship fuel, but it seemed more palatable after the third...or maybe this was his fourth. He didn’t know.

Rey’s hand was clasped in his while she joked about the stormtroopers’ aim, and Poe leaned against his side, crying and gasping from laughter. Finn’s stomach ached from his own chuckles—and probably his bruises, too. He looked down at Poe’s head on his shoulder. Bits of ash and debris still clung to Poe’s hair, leftover from explosions that could have torn the legs off a man. Finn pushed his face into the waves. The scent of burned oil filled his nose.

Poe stopped laughing and craned his head back, bringing his face within an inch of Finn’s. Their eyes locked. Something dark and tense and enticing pulsed in Finn’s chest. His gaze dropped to the split in Poe’s bottom lip where the butt of a rifle had broken the skin. Finn had shot the offending trooper shortly after. He lifted a hand to run a thumb over the cut gingerly.

It would’ve been so easy to close the distance, to listen to the hum filling his head that urged him to take what he wanted, to make the stars shift under them. It would’ve been as easy as breathing. 

He withdrew his hand and leaned back slightly. Even if he took the leap, the depth of his feelings scared him. They were entirely foreign, and he wouldn’t force them on Poe when he didn’t even know if they were reciprocated. Back in the Order, stormtroopers had been discouraged from forming social attachments. The mission always came first, and a soldier in love would protect the object of his affections before the cause. Finn understood the dilemma now. He didn’t consider himself a particularly passionate person, but he would have faced a fleet on his own before he let Poe come to harm.

His eyes turned to Rey. Her smile was strained now, as if she knew what he felt and the pain it caused. Dark splotches dotted the top of her cheek and brow bone on the left side. Finn had taken her lightsaber from her hands to slice through the droid that’d landed a hit on her. An inch to the left would’ve destroyed her eye. He had hacked at the droid for longer than needed, until something dark had seeped into his hands, and she had to rip the lightsaber from his hold.

She’d said the Jedi had been forbidden from romantic attachments. He was starting to see why.

“I think I’ve had a little too much to drink,” Finn mumbled—though he suddenly felt sober.

“Me, too,” Poe intoned and stood from his stool awkwardly. “I think I’m going to sleep it off.”

Finn stared at the countertop while Poe headed away. Rey’s hand slid over his knee, and he couldn’t help the dark pit of need that opened in his gut. Her fingers were dangerous points of pressure working up his thigh. They stopped only a couple inches in, but Finn’s head was already spinning.

“You should get some rest," she said and kissed his cheek. Her lips lingered by his ear when she started to pull away. "Sweet dreams."

His heart did backflips while she slipped away. He bowed his head and laced his fingers behind his neck, trying to steady his breathing. Life had been much simpler with the Order. Every day had structure and routine, and he hadn't worried about protecting the people around him. 

He'd also hated himself.

The bartender rolled his way. "Another?" it asked. 

"No, thanks," he muttered thinly and stood. "I think I've had enough."

#

_Present day…_

Regret was an odd thing. Finn felt twinges of it now while he sat in the light of a foreign star, half a galaxy away from home. He didn't regret being here. That he was meant many others had lived. No, his regrets weren't so dramatic. They were moments, filed away in the back of his mind with everything else he wanted to forget. 

Hands withdrawn before they could connect. 

Glances stolen across battlefields. 

Words left unspoken in the dark.

He probably wouldn't see Poe or Rey again, would never tell them that he'd finally figured out where he belonged. It wasn't with the Resistance, as it turned out. His home was with them. The freedom they'd given him kept him, perhaps ironically, locked in their light. But beside them, he didn't fear anything, not even death. 

He hoped they'd forgive him for not saying goodbye. 

His cuffs clinked as he shifted his hands in his lap. He sat between two troopers in an armored shuttle, on the way to Daru'akad. No one had explained why they were taking him and Rose there, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know. Whatever was down there wasn't good.

The star outside the window wasn't one he'd seen before. It burned almost red. Rose's back pressed against his. She had her own pair of guards and bruises rivaling Finn's. They'd both gotten the works, as he'd thought.

"Should we just expect more torture?" Finn asked, more out of boredom than curiosity. "Or are you going to kill us?"

"Just keep quiet," one of his guards said.

But where was the fun in that? "It's nice not wearing a helmet anymore. They're stuffy."

The fist that came at his head was expected, but it still hurt. 

"Not big talkers then," he continued with a groan. "I always pissed off Phasma because I talked too much. That woman can throw a punch. You probably know that, though."

"Just shut up!" one of the guards growled. "You're a traitor!"

"I prefer 'conscientious objector.'"

Rose didn't make a sound, but her laughter shook against Finn's back. 

"I don't care what you prefer," the guard spat.

Finn hummed, as if in thought. "Sometimes I think I don't either. Men, women, unspecified—it's all good. I mean, you should check out the rebels. No one's hidden under the same armor, and pilots have some _tight_ pants."

Rose coughed to conceal her chuckles.

"I can't tell you where Poe Dameron is," Finn continued, "but I can tell you that he's got a nice ass and killer legs. You're really missing out on this side."

Before the guard could reply, the pilot at the helm shouted, "Landing in six!"

Finn's heart picked up. He wouldn't like what he found on-world. He knew it like he knew stars were bright.

The shuttle shuddered the brief minute they breaches atmo, and then evened out. Through the window, endless expanses of green spread past the horizon. It reminded Finn of D'Qar, producing a twinge in his chest at the memory of the first place he'd ever felt welcome. When the shuttle dipped below the canopy, a familiar warmth burned in his chest, and a persistent, yet delicate hum filled his head. A second hum, fiercer and faster, joined in.

Rey and Poe were nearby. 

"Kriff," Finn blurted without thinking. 

Rose glanced at him over her shoulder, brow arched in surprise. He rarely cursed unless it was directed at the First Order, and even then, he did so sparingly. 

Why were Rey and Poe here? It wasn't to rescue him, was it? Kriff, they were too headstrong together, all dauntless valor and no forethought. He hoped they didn't just run in, blasters blazing. 

#

"What if we just run in, blasters blazing?" Rey suggested as she and Poe hid with BB-8 behind a large fern.

"Sounds good," Poe agreed. "We just have one problem."

"What's that?"

"We don't have any blasters."

She sighed. "That does put a damper on things."

"We could still do the running in part," he pointed out. 

"Yeah, but it's just not as fun without the blasters." She chewed her lip. "New plan. We wait for nightfall, knock out some troopers on patrol, take their blasters, and then go running in, wearing their armor."

Poe nodded. "I like that plan. Less blazing, but y'know, can't have everything."

She nudged his shoulder. 

They were crouched a few paces back from the clearing where the Order base sat. It was little more than a steel dome, indicating most of it was underground. Troopers guarded the door and marched around the clearing's perimeter.

The base hadn't been terribly difficult to find, and Rey had been prepared to force her way in—no pun intended. But as soon as she and Poe had gotten close, an armored shuttle landed in the clearing. She'd sensed Finn and Rose on it a moment before they'd been led off. The presence of both of them suggested the Order had intercepted BB-8's distress call to them and probably traced it to the Malastare Station. Their decryption technology had gotten better again. She hoped everyone else who'd been on the station was all right.

Rage had beat behind her chest when she'd seen Finn's bruised face, and the darkness she tried to keep at bay encroached on the edges of her vision. It took no small amount of internal chanting and deep breathing to get her to calm down. Finn and Rose needed her to be level-headed. People got hurt when she lost control.

For all his acerbic humor, Poe was also tense beside her, his worry almost palpable in the air. She knew he loved Finn, and perhaps he'd never admit it in the same way she never would. The urge to charge in and reclaim what was theirs seemed to vibrate between them. That could just get Finn killed, though, if the Order soldiers decided to off him out of retaliation, so Rey and Poe had to show restraint for once. Tenacity could only go so far.

“There’s a good chance,” Rey said abruptly, “that they brought Finn and Rose here to lure us out.”

Poe nodded and said, “It’s definitely a trap.”

“And there’s no back up coming.”

“It’s just us.”

She reached through the brush to grab his hand. “If it comes down to it,” she said softly, “if you have the chance to get Finn, you do it—even if it means leaving me behind.”

His hand tightened around hers. “You better not put me in that situation.” It wasn’t a refusal, which was probably the best Rey was going to get. He knew as well as she did that she stood the best chance of making it out on her own. In the event that he had to choose between her and Finn, no matter how dire the circumstances seemed, Finn needed him more.

The words she really wanted to say were on her lips, but they wouldn’t come out—she wouldn’t let them. So her fingers laced between his, everything unspoken heavy where their palms met. He held her hand tightly, as if afraid she’d let go. The connection was silent, but warm. 

And maybe that was good enough.

#

The base was entirely underground and far larger than Finn expected. He and Rose were led through a maze of metal hallways, passing rooms filled with consoles and star charts, until they were deposited in a cell. The floor was just a large, metal grate. A long bench was built into the walls. Someone sat on it.

She was a shade lighter than Finn, with a mess of curls atop her head. Her figure was lean, but not skinny. The vest strapped to her exposed arms corded with muscle typical of an archer, and the shooting glove protecting her first two fingers and thumb confirmed her choice of weapon. Dark, brown eyes set on Finn as the door behind him and Rose slid shut.

“You’re eight-seven, aren’t you?” she prompted, her voice low but not hostile. 

Finn frowned. “It’s Finn,” he grumbled, unable to keep the displeasure from his voice.

She stood and extended a hand. “Don’t get your panties in a knot. I was once TZ-1719. Name’s Jannah now.”

Well, that wasn’t what he expected. “You were a trooper?”

“Desserter now.” She pushed her hand forward. “Do you not do handshakes?”

He shook the offer. “Sorry, I’ve just never met anyone else who left. I’ve only heard reports.”

She shrugged. “There are more than a couple of us now.” Her eyes turned to Rose. “And you are?”

Rose introduced herself, eyes looking over Jannah warily, and then she asked, “What are you doing here? Were you captured?”

“Clearly,” Jannah muttered and returned to her spot on the bench. “Order generally doesn’t appreciate when one of their own leaves, so they’ll probably shoot me soon. How’d you both land in here?”

“Don’t really know,” Rose answered and sat on the bench a good distance from Jannah. “The Order found our station and knew Finn and I were there. I can only assume they intercepted a transmission, but we don’t know from whom.”

Finn had an idea. If Poe and Rey were here, they’d probably sent a message to him and Rose—the message that had been intercepted. He resented being used as the bait to get them into the base, but he just had to trust that they would be careful enough not to get themselves killed. Any injury they sustained would hurt him worse than anything the Order could do to him. 

He sat on the bench across from Rose and held her eyes. There were probably recording devices in the cell, so he couldn’t tell her that Rey and Poe were here.

“How long do you think we have?” he mumbled, more to himself than anyone. If he really was going to be bait, they’d at least keep him alive until Rey and Poe got here. If he was wrong about that, then it was anyone’s guess what the Order planned to do with him and Rose...and Jannah—whoever she was.

“Don’t know,” Jannah said with a shrug. “I’ve been here for almost three days, and they haven’t said a word to me.”

Odd. What was the Order waiting for? Was it really just about Rey and Poe? Finn was missing something.

“So what were you doing on Daru’akad?” Rose asked Jannah, eyes sharp as ever.

Jannah leaned her head back against the wall. “Doesn't matter now. It's too late."

"Too late for what?" Finn asked, suspicion rising. 

"I'll make you a deal, Gunnery Lieutenant Finn." She glanced at him out the corner of her eye. "You get me out of here, we'll have a nice, long chat."

Finn and Rose exchanged a glance. Organa had been vague about what she'd sent Poe and Rey to do, but they were supposed to meet a contact. What if that was Jannah? But that didn't make any sense. Organa had said the contact was an old friend of hers. Jannah didn't look older than 25. 

"You work for someone?' Finn asked. 

Her lips twitched. "You taking the deal?'

He took that as confirmation, but clearly, she was trying not to reveal anything while they were under the Order's supervision. She knew something.

"All right," he said. "You've got a deal."


	5. Chapter 5

_Three months ago..._

Rey sat in the hanger on a crate, a cup of caf steaming in her hands. Like the one on D'Qar, it was stone. Vines from the forest outside crept along the walls, slowly reclaiming the structure for the planet. Stars shone through the open doors. Trees reached toward the sky. Only a few mechanics were out now, working on the various ships sitting in the hangar. The base was uncommonly quiet in the night. 

She sipped her caf and watched those stars. He was among them somewhere, out in the great void. It didn't matter what the sensors said. She'd wait here all night for him, for his return home. 

Finn walked toward her from further down the hangar, with a blanket in one hand and a cup in the other. He sat beside her on the crate and wrapped them in the blanket. No explanation was offered, and she didn't need to hear it. They'd looked at the same report that Poe's ship had gone dark somewhere near the Kamino system. His senses may not have been as strong as hers, but he knew as well as she did that Poe was still out there. The day that was no longer the case, part of them would die with him, out there amongst the stars. And like so many other lights in the night sky, his would fade from view and leave a hole that could never be filled.

Today was not that day. 

"How long have you been out here?" Finn asked and sipped his caf. 

Her eyes never left the stars. "About two hours." She sipped her own caf and leaned into him, their shoulders pressing together. "You came prepared."

His chuckle came out strained. "Well, he's already going to be furious at us for waiting so long. Don't want to make him think that we didn't at least take care of ourselves."

"He never stops scolding us." She tucked her arms close and hunched slightly, thinking about him alone in the dark.

Finn could put on a brave face, but the tremor in his hand as he sipped his caf again betrayed him. He knew as well as her that Poe's light could snuff out at any moment. Poe could've been floating on a dead ship, waiting to see if the cold got him before the lack of oxygen did.

War had a way of whittling away that naive hope everyone started with, that somehow things would work out, that their people would return. But life didn't work like that. Sometimes it was holding a friend while the light inside them dimmed. Sometimes it was watching whole groups of comrades and friends get torn apart by bombs. Sometimes it was waiting on a crate in a quiet hangar for someone to come back.

Finn dropped his head to Rey's shoulder with a sigh. "I was away when he left," he mumbled. "I didn't get to say goodbye."

Rey took his hand resting between them. She had no words of comfort. Some things couldn’t be comforted.

"It's not fair,” Finn continued softly. "What are we supposed to do without him?'

She didn't have an answer to that. Life would never be the same without Poe, just as it had changed irrevocably the second he'd entered it. She glanced down at Finn. He'd torn through her life like a tempest, uprooting everything she'd come to accept as immutable. When it came time for him to leave her, he'd probably go the same way he'd come—in fire and chaos. And she'd mourn the last speck of dust he'd unsettled.

Her face turned into the top of his head. She pressed her lips there and cradled his chin in a hand. He clutched the fabric over her thigh. His eyes squeezed shut, as though he were trying to hold back tears. 

How long they'd gone on like this. Dreading the day when one of them didn't come back, joining countless others who'd given their lives for the rebellion—for hope. They'd watched friends disappear into the dark and drift away with the smoke and ash of war. Would they see each other off?

Rey wanted to cry, too, at the thought of Poe alone without them while he waited for the end. Was he afraid? Was he thinking about them? Was he looking at the same stars now?

She took a deep breath when the dark started pressing on her. Finn's scent filled her nose. It was tinged with char, the residue of blaster fire, and the lavender oil he put in his hair. The darkness abated somewhat. He could be frenetic sometimes, but his heart was always firm once he’d found where it belonged. She envied that steadiness, his unshakable will to do what had to be done. He could move planets with his resolve.

Her arms came up to wrap around his shoulders, and he lifted his face to hers. The proximity probably should have made her heart skip. His stare alone could undo her. But all she felt now was the strength they shared between them and the peace that instilled. No matter what evil came next, she thought, she could face it beside him—for him.

Her hand came up to cup his cheek as she kissed his forehead. His eyes closed. He leaned into her touch with a shaky sigh. Something dark in her wanted to steal him away, hide him from the evils in the galaxy, but he was too light for that. He deserved to shine.

They stayed like that long after their caf had gone cold and the last mechanics left for the night. 

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

And when the stars dimmed in the wake of sunlight, they waited some more. 

The howl of engines came an hour before first call, the sky still purple with the remnants of the night. Rey and Finn stood when a shuttle rumbled into the hangar, pieces of it sparking and sputtering. The door slid open. Rey and Finn started running then. 

They got to Poe before his feet touched the tarmac. He chuckled when their arms enveloped him and apologized for being late. Only when he saw the blanket hanging off Finn's shoulder and the empty cups of caf on a lone crate did he quiet. His arms came around their shoulders as he pressed closer.

Maybe he’d been waiting, too.

#

_Present day..._

The cell was impenetrable. Finn didn’t see a way out without at least a blaster, and his had been confiscated. So he listened to the troopers outside. There were two guarding the door from what he’d heard of their bored conversations the past two hours. Every so often, someone else would come by and talk either about guard schedules or gossip. There didn’t seem to be a pattern to the interactions, so Finn doubted it was a patrol who was making rounds in this section, rather than different people who happened by.

Rose and Jannah had warmed up to each other. As it turned out, Jannah used to be a weapons specialist, so they’d gotten to talking about bombs and blasters and turrets and all other manner of tools for destruction. Finn didn’t understand most of the finer points. He wasn’t an engineer. His academy training had mostly dealt with assault rifles and hand-cannons, and ironically, he’d excelled more at hand-to-hand than marksmanship. He’d been in line to become a vanguard before he’d saved Poe and defected.

The beeps of the lock panel made Jannah and Rose jump to their feet. Finn just sighed heavily, suspecting who was on the other side already. The door hissed open. Four stormtroopers stood outside. BB-8 stood with them.

“You will give the prisoners to us,” one of troopers said, “and then get in the cell.”

“We will give the prisoners to you,” two of the troopers intoned.

Finn waved Rose and Jannah forward, and they filed out of the cell. Jannah was glancing around, looking thoroughly confused by this turn of events.

The two troopers at the effect of Rey’s trick marched wordlessly into the cell. The door shut, locking them in.

“It was really stupid for you two to come here,” Finn muttered. “It’s obviously a trap.”

“Obviously,” Poe said, his voice recognizable but muffled in the helmet.

Rey waved a hand. “We made it undetected so far, didn’t we?” she said dismissively. “We’ll just walk to the hangar like we’re escorting all of you, and it’ll be fine.”

The alarm blared just then.

“New plan,” she said. “Run.”

Finn let out a long, long breath, but he took off at a sprint with the group. “Do you even know where the hangar is?” he asked.

“Not a clue,” Poe admitted.

Jannah pushed to the front. “I do,” she grumbled. “Follow me.”

They let her lead them through the maze of hallways. It wasn’t long until they ran into a group of troopers. Finn grabbed Rose by the back of her jumpsuit and pulled her behind the cover of a wall before she took a blast to the chest. BB-8 squeaked and cowered behind Finn’s legs. Jannah, Poe, and Rey took cover in niches along the walls of the hallway.

“Well...kriff,” Poe muttered and took off his helmet. He pushed his hair back from his forehead.

Finn probably should have been focused on not dying, but his heart stuttered at the wry grin Poe shot his way.

Rey stripped out of the trooper armor quickly. She was wearing Poe’s jacket and a bandeau, displaying taut abdominal muscles, and Force save him, Finn wasn’t prepared. 

“The hangar is just past them!” Jannah called, glancing around her cover to look at the troopers. They’d stopped firing for the time being.

“Sit tight!” Rey ordered and pulled the lightsaber from her hip. She met Poe’s and Finn’s eyes as if emphasizing that her instructions were really just for them. 

The screech of the saber bursting out preceded a steady, low drone. Its blue light cast shadows over Rey’s face as she held it up. Finn held his breath while she jumped out of cover. The troopers started firing again. Rey easily batted at the blasts, lightsaber arcing gracefully in her hands. She deflected them back at the troopers as she encroached on them. Five of them went down before she even got close to the remaining three. Her movements were almost delicate while she cut through the troopers and then waved for everyone else to come out.

Finn trotted toward her with Rose and BB-8 at his heels. Jannah beat Poe to the door. Rey was already inspecting the control panel in the side of it. After a moment, she shook her head and then started slicing through the door with the saber, sending sparks everywhere. The circle she cut didn’t budge until she slammed her foot into it. A wave of power burst out of the kick, stronger than anything a regular human could do. The metal went flying forward.

Rey went through first. Finn saw the streaks of blaster fire a moment before he heard the punctuated screech of them. Rey didn’t miss a beat, deflecting them easily. And then the firing stopped.

“Let’s go, people!” she called.

They didn’t have to be told twice.

The hangar was fairly small, holding only a single TIE fighter and a couple shuttles. This base must have been primarily used for storage, rather than assault. The doors were at the top, open to an expanse of dark sky.

“Can you fly one of these things?” Rey asked, pointing to an armored cargo transport.

Poe shot her a withering look. “I can fly—”

“Anything,” she finished with an eye roll. “Yeah, yeah. Got it. Get on the kriffing ship.”

As soon as he stepped toward it, a horribly familiar whir and thud sounded above them. It shook the hangar walls and reverberated in Finn’s chest. More kept coming. Finn looked up as three AT-ATs enclosed around the hangar doors. They were trapped...as he’d anticipated.

Rey turned to look at him and Poe, just as they stared at her. They knew what had to happen.

“No,” Finn said, voice stronger than he felt. “No, you can’t.”

“They’ll shoot us down before we get a foot off the ground,” she pointed out.

Finn couldn’t breathe. She was right.

“You come back,” Poe rasped. “You come back to us.”

She had a rueful smile. “See you on the other side, Poe Dameron.” Her eyes found Finn’s, and even without words, he understood her goodbye. 

She looked up at the AT-ATs and leapt.

#

Poe watched her launch herself onto the surface, in the middle of the three walkers, and he could hardly breathe. It was what had to happen. Either she fought alone, or they all died here. His eyes turned to the lone TIE fighter in the hangar.

He spun around to face Finn. “Can you fly the shuttle?” he asked quickly.

Finn blinked. “What?”

“Can you fly the shuttle?” Poe repeated more urgently. “Finn, tell me you can!”

“I can,” the mysterious third prisoner said.

When he turned to look at her, she said, “I can do it. I’ve flown shuttles like this before.”

Poe nodded. “Good, get Rose and Finn and B out of here.”

“And where are you going?” Finn demanded, his voice hard.

Poe pointed to the TIE fighter. “I’m not leaving her to fight alone.” He pulled the blaster from his hip and pushed it into Finn’s chest. “You get clear of here and keep the engine warm. If we’re not there in twenty minutes, you take off.”

Finn just stared at him, fear in his eyes, but then his jaw clenched. “You protect each other out there.” It was an order, not a request.

Poe nodded stiffly. He wanted to say more, but there wasn’t time. There was never enough time for them. So he sprinted for the TIE fighter as Finn, BB-8, Rose, and the other woman climbed into the shuttle.

The controls were the same as when Poe was last in one of these. His heart thundered in his ears as he took off. The AT-ATs’ turrets were all turned away from the hangar, shooting at one point beyond his sight. Only one of them turned their guns at him when he breached the mouth of the hangar. He easily dodged the shots, speeding higher and higher into the sky until the clouds obscured him. And then arced down.

As soon as he emerged from the cloud cover, he whizzed directly at the nearest AT-AT. His thumbs jammed down on the firing toggles. He caught it in the body, making it tip, but it soon righted itself. The turrets turned on him again and fired. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to get a shot good enough to take it out, but so long as it wasn’t firing at Rey, that was enough.

She stood in the clearing surrounding the hangar with two of the walkers trained on her. They were firing wildly at her, but she was running in complex patterns, out of the blasts. A leap had her airborne for a brief moment before she landed on one of the AT-AT’s heads. Her lightsaber was glaringly bright in the night. She brought it down on the paneling concealing the control center. Red lights streaked out when she ripped off the metal coverings. One caught her in the shoulder, but she jumped inside the head.

All Poe could see were flashes of red and blue, and then darkness descended. His heart hammered in his ears.

“C’mon,” he pleaded. “C’mon, Rey.”

The AT-AT’s turrets turned.

Poe’s stomach dropped until he noticed they were trained on the walker still shooting at him. He ducked lower toward the tops of the trees, opposite Rey’s commandeered AT-AT, so the other one wouldn’t look her direction.

She let out a stream of shots that caught the other AT-AT squarely in the head. It went down almost instantly with a crash that even Poe could hear above the TIE fighter’s scream. The remaining walker figured out what was happening quickly and rammed into Rey’s. The whole thing toppled. Poe watched the head of it, waiting to see her come out.

The light of her saber burned through the dark, and she crawled onto the grass from the AT-ATs head. Poe saw the turrets train on her. She wasn’t standing up. Why wasn’t she standing up? She was going to...

He pitched the fighter forward.

#

The air burned in Rey’s lungs. She couldn’t catch her breath. Every muscle in her body screamed with pain. Her shoulder ached where that kriffing trooper had caught her, and something was wrong with her leg after she went down in the AT-AT. It might have been broken. The scabs across her back had cracked open and were now openly weeping blood, leaving trails of warmth over her skin.

She stared up at the last walker. The turrets on its sides were moving toward her. It’d fire soon.

At least Finn and Poe had gotten away.

The screech of a TIE fighter filled her ears a moment before it slammed itself into the AT-ATs leg. The whole walker tipped as the fighter tore through the leg. Rey’s heart folded over itself as she watched the ship roll across the ground, sparking and smoking. One of its wings went flying.

She forced herself to her feet and limped toward it as the walker fell. The crash it made shook the ground, throwing her off balance. A plume of dirt rolled off from the impact in a wave. She fell to her knees with a cry, her leg burning, but still she kept going. 

The TIE fighter’s main compartment was still intact, albeit dented. She cut the top off with her saber and peered in. Poe was strapped into the chair, his body limp. Blood trickled from a wound past his hairline and left a stream down the side of his face. She reached in to undo the straps and then hooked her arms under his. The pain in her leg grew until her vision went spotty from it, but she didn’t stop lifting him until they were both on the ground. 

His chest was moving. He was unconscious, but alive. She pulled him onto her back. Her leg buckled under the extra weight, and they fell to the ground.

Voices of troopers, who were doubtlessly climbing out of their walkers, sounded behind them.

She glanced at the tree line. If she slipped away now and hid, the troopers might not find her, but they would find him. 

It should’ve been her left behind.

She pushed herself up on her elbows and stared at his face. “You could have gotten away,” she rasped and swept his hair back. “I was ready to go.”

Her forehead dropped to his. The troopers would head this way soon. She had to make a choice.

The dark started creeping into the edges of her vision, telling her to let go. She could protect him if only she removed her restraint. Her power went deep, and it could level all these soldiers who wanted to hurt him. 

She just had to let go.

Her lightsaber flew into her hand from where it lay on the ground. She got to her feet and faced the lines of troopers. There were at least fifty of them with their blasters trained on her. Her lightsaber burst to life in her hand, and they fired.

She spun her saber in her hands, deflecting the blasts and sending the torrent back at the troopers. Her leg ached when she stepped toward them, but it didn’t matter now. She’d die before she let them have him.

Something cold built in her, and she fed into it, letting her pain and anger and frustration feed it. How long had she lived her life in fear that they’d take him from her? How long had she stood at his side, knowing every moment might be their last? How long had she watched him fly off with a prayer that he would return?

The force that came out of her sent the front line troopers flying through the air. Most hit the ground with audible crunches.

How much time had she wasted in fear?

She threw her lightsaber at the second line. Without it, a couple blasts hit her in the arm and both her legs, but the power thrumming through her let her drag the saber through their ranks, tearing through them like tissue paper. It returned to her hand when she held it out.

How much had she let her caution steal away her joy?

Sparks danced at her fingertips, even as the power in her body dwindled. She held her hands out to the next line of troopers. Lightning tore out of her, ripping away at her insides, but she didn’t stop. The scent of burning flesh filled the air as the troopers screamed.

Her legs gave out under her. She collapsed to her hands and knees. Exhaustion pulled at her limbs. There was one line of troops left.

It didn’t matter if she died here. He’d live.

Her hand lifted, and that cold feeling returned again.

The roar of a shuttle filled the clearing. She looked up to see it lower. Finn and Rose stood in the open side door, holding blaster rifles. They shot at the troopers who didn’t have time to fire back.

“Rey!” Finn called.

The darkness dissipated in an instant as she met his stare. He wouldn’t want her to die like this, and neither would Poe. They were the reason she restrained herself.

The ground rushed up to meet her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's chapter brought to you by Ben Rowley's "Rain."

When he saw Rey go down, an icy dread arrested Finn’s spine. Jannah couldn’t have landed the shuttle fast enough. He jumped out as soon as he was sure the drop wouldn’t injure him and took off at a sprint for her. The ground was damp, and its grass was slick. He nearly tripped on it in his rush.

“Rey,” he breathed as he went to his knees beside her.

Her breaths were fast and shallow. Blaster burns covered her arms and legs, but they hadn’t taken out chunks at least. Her left shin was bent wrong, broken probably. A sheen of sweat coated her ashen skin.

His eyes scanned around them, taking in the mess of broken walkers and dead troopers. A downed TIE fighter made the breath freeze in his lungs. No, it couldn’t be. He would have felt Poe…

Finn called back to Rose and Jannah to carry Rey into the shuttle. As soon as they started moving, he headed for the downed fighter. Poe lay on the grass, blood crusted to his face. He was unconscious, but the rise and fall of his chest was reassuring. He must have sustained some head trauma from the crash.

Finn’s hands shook as he lifted Poe onto his back. How close had he come to losing them both? If he hadn’t come back, they would have—

“I told you to take off after twenty minutes,” Poe grumbled against Finn’s shoulder.

The relief that shot through Finn was almost euphoric. “Yeah, well, I’m a terrible listener,” he muttered and started forward. “You can file a complaint.”

Poe was quiet a moment. “Thank you.”

Finn’s hands tightened where they held Poe’s thighs. “I could never leave either of you behind.”

“Don’t want you to die for me.” Poe pressed his face into Finn’s neck. “I couldn’t survive that. It would...break me.”

“What makes you think I’m any different?” Finn’s eyes burned, but he refused to cry.

“Finn—”

“No.” Finn sucked in a shaky breath. “Don’t. Don't you dare.”

Poe’s hands hesitantly came up to grip Finn’s shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

They were silent while Finn spanned the remaining distance to the shuttle. The main compartment had seats in the walls and along a central column, but the cargo hold below was empty. Rey was already lying down on the floor. Rose crouched over her, smearing bacta gel over the worst of the injuries. Finn gingerly laid Poe down next to Rey.

“Both of you should get some rest,” Finn said firmly. “It’s a while until we get to Minfar.”

Poe grabbed Finn’s hand. “Are you all right?” he asked. “They hurt you.”

Finn let out a breath as his frustration drained. “I’m all right.” He squeezed Poe’s hand. “Get some rest.”

“I’ll take care of them,” Rose said when he stood. “You should talk to Jannah. She wants to speak.”

His brows furrowed, wondering what she wanted to talk about, and he headed back up stairs to the main compartment. Jannah sat at the front, manning the helm. She glanced at him over her shoulder while she pulled the ship up and out.

“I owe you that chat,” she said. “Deal’s a deal.”

He sat in the co-pilot’s seat beside her. “What do you know?” he asked, suspecting her presence here was no accident.

She kept the ship above the clouds, but didn’t breach atmo. “Your buddies were sent here to meet a contact. That’s me. I work for a former colleague of General Organa, Taisiya Kan. She sent me to steal and deliver some intel.”

“What intel?” Finn asked, figuring that Organa wouldn’t mind if he heard it instead of Rey or Poe.

“I stole a data disc from a base on the south half of the planet. When I knew I was going to be captured, I buried the disc, so the Order wouldn’t get it back. If you want it, we’re going to have to dig it up here.”

He thought of Rey and Poe below deck. They needed medical attention, but they’d also have his ass if they came all this way only to have to come back again later.

“Kriff,” he muttered. Swearing was getting to be more comfortable. “Let’s go get it.”

#

_2 months ago..._

Poe woke with Finn at his back. It was becoming more and more common for them to sleep in the same bed. Sleeping with someone helped keep the nightmares at bay, but it was doing other damage to Poe’s sanity. Every morning he woke with Finn's body against his whittled away a little more of his restraint. At this point, he'd memorized every curve of muscle down Finn's front.

"Morning," Finn said, voice coming out a grumble right next to Poe's ear. "Did you sleep all right?'

Poe withheld a shiver. "Yeah. Thank you."

Finn mumbled something like "my pleasure" and then pressed his face to the back of Poe's neck with a sigh. His arm came around to pull Poe closer by the waist. He must have been half-asleep still.

Poe should have pulled away. That would have been the responsible thing to do, and he was a creep if he didn't. 

He didn't move. 

"What time do you have to go?" Finn asked. 

Poe made himself talk past the tightness in his throat. "Drills start at eight. I still have an hour."

Finn hummed, sending vibrations through Poe's neck. "Cool."

"You got plans for me, buddy?" Poe teased, even as need turned in his gut.

Finn didn't answer.

Poe turned around to look at him. Finn's brows were pressed together.

"What's wrong?" Poe asked, confused at the abrupt change in Finn's demeanor. 

"It's...nothing," Finn said unconvincingly. "Just had a stupid thought.'

Poe frowned. "About what?'

Finn didn't answer immediately. "I was thinking that I don't really have plans with you. I'm afraid to make them."

The hole that opened in Poe's gut was familiar. "What… What plans did you want to make?"

"I don't know." Finn shrugged. "I've thought about owning a ship, go wherever I want whenever. See the galaxy. Always wanted someone with me." Before Poe could reply, Finn added, "But that's not going to happen, not unless I leave the Resistance, and I wouldn't while this war keeps on."

Poe wasn't sure what to say. The idea of flying around the galaxy with Finn—no responsibilities, no fights, no fear of tomorrow—was tempting. Everything about Finn was tempting.

"I would love that," Poe rasped because he would have. 

Finn's smile didn't reach his eyes, and Poe's heart broke. 

"We could have that," Poe said, firmer than he believed. "After all this is over, we could."

"You can't promise that." Finn's voice was barely audible, and he turned his gaze down.

Poe cupped his jaw. "Hey, look at me."

Finn's lips thinned to a line, but he lifted his eyes. 

"I don't know what tomorrow brings," Poe continued, "but I'm willing to fight for that future."

Finn rested a hand over Poe's where it touched his jaw. "Then I will, too."

#

_Present day..._

Rey woke feeling like she'd been hit by an AT-AT—which, she supposed, she had. Her left leg was numb below the knee, probably from medication. She didn't have the same muscle fatigue that she had with the crash, but it was close. 

The hum of a ship engine beat against her back. When her eyes opened, a metal ceiling was over her. Getting on the shuttle was a vague memory, and she wasn't sure when she'd passed out entirely. Bets were on when someone had set her leg.

She turned her head to the side. Poe lay beside her. He was awake, staring up at the ceiling. Either he or someone else had removed the trooper armor, leaving him shirtless again. 

She rolled toward him before she could think better of it. Her leg dragged, useless while broken and medicated, and she gasped at the sudden twinge that shot from it. Poe's eyes snapped to her. He grabbed her shoulders before she could move anymore.

"Would you stop trying to hurt yourself?" he grumbled. "You broke your kriffing leg, and you were shot...multiple times."

She grabbed his arm. "Are you all right?" The question was all she could think about. Tears burned at her eyes with the remnants of her fear.

"I'm fine." He sighed. "I promise, I'm fine."

She pulled him to her until their foreheads touched, ignoring the pain that came with the movement. "I was so scared." Her voice shook, which was not something it ever did. "When you hit the walker, I thought I'd finally lost you. I couldn't…" She let out a shuddering breath. "I can't go through that again."

He was silent for a long moment, and then rested a hand on her cheek. "I'm sorry. I wanted you to live."

The image of his unconscious form on the ground flashed through her mind. She'd been willing to die to protect him. The dark in her had called for it, pulled all the life she had left to ensure it.

What was scariest of all, though, was she'd been ready to die. Amidst the passion of her fury, there was peace. No hesitation. Just resolve.

He didn't move away when she pressed closer. Her lips were near enough to taste his breath, but she didn't go any further, not without his permission. Her hand came up to his chest. His heart beat rapidly against her palm. 

They stayed like that, sharing each other's air, for an interminably long moment. His hand was tight on her shoulder. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears, beating in time with his own. His neck craned forward slowly, brushing their lips together. Heat rushed through her at the slight touch. She slid her fingers into his hair and grabbed a fistful of it, like she had in the cave. His moan vibrated against her mouth. He surged forward, catching her lips fully.

Her eyes closed. He tasted of blood and salt, and she wasn't sure if it was because of him or her. His entire body shivered when she took his lower lip between her teeth. A fire had started in her chest, bringing with it the need to consume, to devour, to _take_.

Heedless of her leg, she pushed him onto his back and pinned his wrists over his head. He gasped, and she swallowed the sound with another kiss. The fire in her grew as their tongues mingled together. He was hers. She would face down armies, boil oceans, and burn worlds for him. The day he didn't return to her, she'd hunt down the ones responsible. She'd steal their breath like they'd stolen his. She'd choke the light out of their bodies, so she could watch it leave them like she'd watched his disappear.

No.

She launched herself off him and slid back into the wall. Her hands shook as she held them to her face. What was she thinking? That wasn't right. Revenge wouldn't bring him back when he died. And if ever the time came that she had to choose between the greater good and him, she couldn't choose him.

"Rey?" Poe's voice was gentle. "What's wrong?"

She couldn't choose him. 

"Rey?"

"This was a mistake," she rasped, holding her hands over eyes, so she wouldn't have to see the pain in his face. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's all right." How could he sound so calm? "Rey, it's really all right. I understand."

No, he didn't. How could he? Within her was the power for great evil. She'd killed all those stormtroopers down there, and if she truly displayed her power, she could kill so many more people. How far would she go for Poe or Finn?

When the tears started, they took her by surprise. She couldn't remember the last time she'd cried. Warmth bled onto her hands and down her cheeks. A curse and shuffling notified her that Poe was moving closer.

"Rey, please look at me," he begged. "Rey."

His touch was gentle in prying her hands away from her face. He was sitting close, eyes staring up into hers. He cradled her face in his hands and swept his thumbs over the moisture on her cheeks. 

"Talk to me," he said gently—a request, not a demand.

She took a deep breath, despite the crushing fear in her chest that made her want to fold over. "I'm dangerous with you," she mumbled. "The things I would do for you…" She stared into his brown eyes. "If I ever have to choose between saving a hundred lives or yours, I can't choose you. I can't, Poe."

He nodded. "And I wouldn’t want you to. I'd gladly give my life for those hundred."

"You don't understand." She took another breath. "The dark calls to me. I let it take over when we were surrounded. I killed...so many troopers. Who's to say I wouldn't do that to others when I'm like that—people who aren't enemies?"

"You won't." He said it with such confidence that she almost believed it. "You won't because you're good, Rey. No matter how the dark calls, you'll resist it because that's not who you are."

She wasn't sure about that. It had been so easy, letting go of her control and just giving her all to the fight. 

"You're the strongest of us," Poe continued. "You're like a star, a beacon of light, and I know you'll always be."

She wanted to believe him. She really did. "Would you stop me?"

His face darkened. "What?"

"If I lost control, if I descended to the dark, would you put me down?"

He flinched as if she'd struck him. "Rey, that's not—"

"If it was you, I wouldn't fight it." She meant every word, could even visualize it—her lowering her lightsaber while he held a blaster to her chest. “I would let you, no matter how dark I was. I would let you end it.”

"Don't put me in that situation." Neither a confirmation, nor a denial. But she knew better. He would do it.

The truth was that she wasn't the strongest. Maybe she had the raw power, but that wasn't real strength. Poe was the strongest. He'd endured true hell and kept going. His dedication to the cause was incomparable, and if it came down to it, if he had no other choice, he would do the impossible.

"I'm sorry," she breathed and took one of his hands from her face to hold against her chest. "It has to be you. Finn wouldn't."

He bent his head and didn't speak. She knew it was unfair to put this on him. He'd already gone through enough. But they both knew the truth of the matter.

If the day came that she had to be stopped, he would be the one pulling the trigger.

#

Poe got it together enough to climb upstairs to the main cabin. Rose and the mystery woman were at the helm. BB-8 sat in a corner at a power conduit, powered down while he charged properly for the first time in two days. Finn was sitting on a bench, cleaning the parts of his rifle. His cheek was swollen, probably from a punch, and he leaned slightly to the left, an indication of broken ribs on that side. Still, he didn't give any indication of his pain. His hands were steady, almost loving as they dragged a cloth over the various rifle parts.

He looked up when Poe stepped in and frowned. "You shouldn't be moving around," he said. "You were just in a crash...or two."

Poe hobbled over and painfully lowered himself down next to Finn. "I can't be down there with Rey right now," he said honestly. His conversation with her had shaken him to his core. It scared him to think that he could ever lift a hand against her, and it scared him even more that he knew he'd do it—but for her, not for the kriffing Resistance. She didn’t want to join the dark. If death was her only freedom from it, then that was what he’d give her.

Finn's brows knitted together. "You guys okay?"

They were so far from okay that Poe wasn't even sure how to respond.

"Do you know I’d give my life for you and Rey?” he asked instead.

Finn tensed. "I’ve got an idea of how far you’d go.”

Poe shoved a hand through his hair. “And if I ever turned on either of you, would you take me out?”

Finn set down a piece of his blaster in his lap. "What is going on, Poe? Why are you bringing this up now?”

“Would you?” Poe insisted, needing the answer more than air.

Finn didn’t respond for a long moment. “I don’t know. I’d probably try to turn you back first.”

That was why he was kinder than Poe. He believed in people and their goodness. Poe was jaded from years of fighting and had sacrificed his ethics more than a couple times for the so-called greater good.

Kriff, he wasn't strong enough for this conversation. He could still feel Rey's lips drawing him in and her tongue on his. She could have had him any way she wanted, and he would have tossed out his self-imposed lovelessness in a heartbeat.

"We're coming up on the spot!" the mystery woman announced. 

"Is anyone gonna tell me who she is?" Poe muttered. "Also, where are we going?"

Finn had a small smile. "That's Jannah," he explained. "She's an ex-trooper."

"And your contact!" she added. 

Poe just blinked, so Finn gave him a rundown of everything. Poe had more questions by the end.

"So what's on the disc?" he asked. "What did I bleed for?"

Jannah answered, "Taisiya said it was the future of the rebellion."

That could mean a lot of things, but if Organa had sent him and Rey to fetch this disc, then it had to be important.

“Bold claim,” Poe mumbled.

“Everything Taisiya does is bold,” Jannah said with a chuckle. “She sent me to kriffing Daru-akad.”

Well, he couldn’t argue with that.

A minute later, Jannah slowed down and dropped them into the middle of a clearing. “The disc isn’t far,” she said. “Someone should come with me, just in case we run into troopers. We’re not that far from the south base, and the Order will probably be looking for us.”

Rose stood and grabbed a rifle from where it rested by her chair. “I’ll go with you,” she said. “Finn, you stay here. You usually know when people are coming, so if you pick up anything, call us. We’ll come running.”

Finn nodded and started reassembling his rifle. “Stay safe out there, Rose.”

She gave him a brief salute in acknowledgement. Jannah opened the shuttle door, and the women jumped out. Finn pulled the door shut after them.

“You able to take the helm?” he asked Poe. “I’d feel better if you were up there, ready to take off fast.”

Poe nodded wordlessly and trudged to the pilot’s seat. A dense assembly of trees filled his view through the windscreen. He took in the controls around him and quickly put together what they did. The engines hummed when he idled them, prepared to take off at any time. They’d have to jump into hyperspace right when they breached atmo if they were going to avoid the frigates waiting in orbit.

“You should talk to Rey,” he said. “I think she needs a friend who isn’t me.” He could almost feel Finn’s curious stare at his back.

“All right,” Finn said after a moment. “Call if you need something.”

Poe didn’t respond, just fiddled with the controls to prep the ship for the strain he’d put it through soon. Only when Finn’s footsteps disappeared down the stairs did he hold his head in his hands. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about Rey’s smile, engine grease on her hands, mischief in her eyes when she teased him. Of all the ways he thought she could go, he never considered he’d be one of them. And even as he thought about her life ending in his hand, the feel of her lips still lingered on his. That kiss would haunt him for the rest of his days—just like her.

He pulled his hair back and gripped it tight enough that it hurt. 

_If it was you, I wouldn't fight it. I would let you, no matter how dark I was. I would let you end it._


	7. Chapter 7

Finn wasn’t sure what he expected when he came down to the cargo hold, but Rey staring vacantly with her back against a wall was not it. The sheen of dried tears coated her cheeks. Her broken leg was stretched straight. Rose had set it and wrapped it in bandages that hardened. It wasn’t a proper cast, but it’d keep her fractured tibia from breaking further.

“Rey?” he said uncertainly as he stepped toward her. “Are you all right?”

She didn’t look up at him. “No.”

He sat down beside her. “What’s going on?”

A long moment passed before she answered. “I kissed Poe.”

His stomach knotted up. “Oh.”

“It was a mistake.” She closed her eyes and covered them with a hand. “It was a horrible thing to do to him.”

“I have trouble believing that any kiss from you would be horrible, Rey.” He wasn’t sure if jealousy or envy was making his chest constrict. Maybe both.

“No, I hurt him...irrevocably.”

Finn wasn’t sure what to say. Poe had acted strangely earlier, but he’d still seemed concerned primarily for Rey.

“Do you love him?” he asked, if only because he was pretty sure Poe loved her.

Rey lowered her hand from her eyes and looked at him. “It doesn’t matter if I do. I can’t.”

Finn’s brows pressed together. “What do you mean you can’t?”

“I would raze a planet to protect you and Poe. Is that love?” She bent her head as a somewhat hysterical chuckle escaped her. “I’d rather see an entire star system die than lose either of you. I’d blacken my own soul for you both. I'd turn dark. Is that love?"

Fear came creeping up Finn’s spine. “You’re scaring me, Rey. What is all this about?”

She shook her head. “You’re so good, Finn, and kind. You do what’s right.”

“What?”

“Do you feel it—the dark? It won’t seem to leave me alone.” She let out a long breath. “I let it take over back there, so I could fight off the troopers. And it was easy.”

He took her hand from her lap before his fear could stop him. “You’re not going dark.”

She didn’t respond.

“Look at me, Rey.”

She lifted her eyes to his.

“Even if you went dark,” he said firmly, needing her to understand every word, “I wouldn’t let you stay there. I promise you that.”

“I want to believe you, Finn.” She lifted a hand toward his cheek, but it dropped before it made contact.

He took her hand and placed it on his cheek. “Then do.”

She stared into his eyes, as if she could find his conviction in them. “How can you have so much confidence?” 

A tear spilled down her cheek. Finn didn’t know what compelled him to kiss it away, but he did and then pressed his cheek to hers. His arms gingerly wrapped around her. He cradled the back of her head in a hand. 

“Because I believe in us,” he murmured. “Will you?”

Her silence was crushing, but she turned her head, bringing her lips within an inch of his. The constant and firm thrum of her resonance sounded in his ears. There was a heavier feel to it now than before, like the pressure of being deep underwater. It pulsed in time with his heart. He wasn’t sure which was louder.

She closed the distance between them. The kiss was soft, almost apologetic. It tasted of salt from her tears, and her resonance grew quieter with something like despair. 

Finn hadn’t known his heart could soar and break at the same time.

“I’ll believe in  _ you _ , Finn,” she whispered.

He was about to reply when the sound of the shuttle door opening brought his head up.

“We’ve got it!” Rose announced. “Let’s move! Five troopers on our tail!”

The ship lurched forward, nearly knocking Finn into Rey before he braced his arm against the wall. She slid away from him, her head bowed.

“You should go,” she said. “They need you.”

He stood reluctantly and headed for the stairs. His heart was heavy in his chest while his feet carried him forward to the main cabin. Rose and Poe were prepping to launch into hyperspace. Jannah sat on a bench. She had a heavy, black puck in her hand that she clutched to her chest.

The whir of the engines preceded the familiar knockback of the ship launching into hyperspace. Poe and Rose let out a breath simultaneously. Rose murmured that they were about three hours out from Minfar, and Finn came up to her to ask for her chair. She glanced between him and Poe before standing.

“Any way we can see what’s on that now?” she asked Jannah as she put distance between herself and the helm. She was a good friend.

Finn sat in the co-pilot’s seat. Poe was adjusting the controls, but Finn didn’t have enough knowledge about piloting to guess why.

“Did you speak with Rey?” Poe asked—though from the tension in his voice, he probably knew the answer.

Finn nodded. “She told me about her fear of going dark,” he said far calmer than he felt, “and that she hurt you.”

Poe’s hand froze over a dial. “She did no such thing.”

“That’s not what she thinks.”

Poe resumed his work with the controls. “She just brought up reality. It’s not her fault that it hurts.”

Finn had no idea what was going on, but he knew that neither Poe nor Rey was giving him the whole truth. “What reality?”

“Nothing that we didn’t already know.” Poe leaned back in his chair and wrapped his arms around his middle, like he was holding himself. “I don’t think I can have this conversation right now.”

Finn leaned closer until he was virtually hovering over Poe. “I don’t know what’s so horrible that you think you and Rey have to hide it from me, but I think I earned honesty.”

Poe ran a hand over his face. “It’s not… It’s not like that, Finn.”

“Well, I don’t know what it’s like because you both are just going to pieces and won’t tell me why.” A seed of frustration had taken root in Finn’s gut. There was little else he hated more than feeling helpless.

“You should get some rest,” Poe said, his voice small and rough.

Finn’s jaw clenched at the dismissal. “Fine.”

When he started to stand, Poe’s hand shot out to take his wrist. They stared at each other a long moment. The pain in Poe’s eyes nearly undid Finn. They’d gone through so much together, partners in all ways but one.

Maybe that was what Rey had confronted. She’d touched the dark side in order to protect Poe, and she feared she’d do it to excess. Finn understood the draw. He was always afraid he’d choose Rey or Poe over his duty. Honestly, the only thing that kept him from doing so was the knowledge that neither of them would want him to. They would have rather died than give up on the cause. That was why they were all still fighting this war. It wasn’t about them. It was about doing the right thing.

Finn ducked his head down until he was inches from Poe’s face and planted his hands firmly on either armrest of the pilot’s chair. “What are you so afraid of?” he whispered.

Poe stared wordlessly. He brought a hand up to Finn’s shoulder, as if to push him away, but he didn’t. His fingers tangled in the fabric of Finn’s shirt as he made a fist. 

“I can’t, Finn,” he mumbled. “I just can’t.”

“Can’t what?” Finn knew he probably shouldn’t be pushing so much, but his restraint was tenuous. Sometimes control wasn’t what was needed.

Poe lowered his eyes and didn’t reply.

Finn sighed and pulled Poe’s hand from his shoulder. “When you’re ready to talk,” he said as he straightened, “I’ll listen.”

“I’m sorry,” Poe rasped.

Finn walked away without another word.

#

The base was in a flurry when Poe set the ship down. Everyone wanted to know what happened and how Poe had managed to bring back Finn and Rose, as well as a severely injured Rey and another ex-stormtrooper. He sent Rey off with a medical team immediately. Organa demanded to meet with him, Finn, and Jannah, so they found themselves in a conference room two minutes after landing.

It was just a metal room with gray flooring and a single, circular table in the middle. There were no chairs. A holo-console sat in the center of the table.

“Dameron,” Organa said as she stood across from the rest of them around the table, “you mind telling me what the hell happened out there?”

He took a breath, slipping into his soldier’s demeanor instantly. “The scandocs to get onto Daru’akad didn’t work,” he reported stiffly. "There were five frigates guarding it. Rey and I were shot down and crashed on-world. BB-8 managed to send out a distress signal before we went down, and I’d have to guess that the Order intercepted it, which is how they knew where Finn and Rose were. By the time Rey and I made it to an Order base on Daru’akad, Finn and Rose had been transported there to be held captive, presumably as bait. We rescued them...at great cost to Rey.”

Jannah put the data disc on the table. “I work for Taisiya Kan, ma’am,” she said. “She sent me to Daru’akad to steal this disc and bring it to you. Poe found me on the base and brought me with.”

Organa picked up the disc. “What’s on it?”

“I don’t know, ma’am. Taisiya just said it was the future of the rebellion.”

Organa nodded. “Thank you…”

“Jannah.”

“Thank you, Jannah. This was invaluable. If you wouldn’t mind, I need to speak with Commander Dameron and Lieutenant Finn privately. A droid, C-3PO, will be on the tarmac. He’ll direct you to lodging. Please stay at the base for the time being.”

Jannah nodded and headed out of the conference room.

A heavy silence fell as soon as Poe was alone with Finn and the general. Organa had her hands planted over the table, staring at the data disc like it could give her answers.

“All of us here were holding our breath over both of you and Tico and Rey,” she muttered. “We had no idea what was going on. I thought I had lost four of my best.”

“We’re sorry, ma’am,” Finn said. “We weren’t able to connect with you until we had a comm system on the shuttle we stole.”

“Please don’t apologize, Finn.” She took a deep breath and straightened. “What I'm most curious about now is the darkness I sensed in Rey."

Poe's blood ran cold. "It's my fault," he said immediately. "She touched the dark because she was desperate to save me."

Organa nodded, as if she'd expected the answer. "I'll speak with her about it then."

"If I may, general," Finn said, "you seem awfully calm about this."

"The biggest mistake I've made in my life was never talking to my son about the darkness in him before it was too late." She got a far-off look in her eyes. "Fear of the dark only pulled me further from Ben, and it drove Luke into solitude. The truth is that everyone has some darkness. What matters is how it's used."

Poe didn't know what good darkness could do. He'd been at the effect of it more than once, and each time hurt more than the last.

She shook her head, as if to dispel her thoughts. "No matter," she continued. "I’ll take a look at what’s on this disc. In the meantime, both of you should get some rest. You look like nerf crap.”

Poe glowered with no real malice. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“You’re very welcome, Poe. Now both of you get to medical before you pass out.”

Poe nodded and headed out with Finn. A tense silence hung between them while they walked through the familiar, metal halls. Other rebels passed by, shooting them curious looks or offering a “welcome back.” Poe tried to return their smiles, but his heart just wasn’t in it. Finn wouldn’t even look at him.

Medical was on the other side of the base. The walls and ceiling were black steel. Beds lined opposite walls. A door at the back led into an operating room and ICU. The pungent scent of bacta and blood lingered in the air. Medical was usually filled with people, soldiers mostly who’d just come back from firefights, but there were only two people inside, sleeping or maybe unconscious. Rey was nowhere to be seen.

Finn flagged down a nurse who was walking in with a tray of tools. “Rey came in here,” he said. “Where is she?”

“Her leg was pretty bad,” the nurse explained. “She’s in surgery right now. She won’t be out for a couple hours at least.” She looked them over. “You should sit down. I’ll be with you in a second.” She hurried away with her tray to tend to one of the patients.

Finn headed for an open bed. Normally, Poe would have sat on the same bed, but he opted for an adjacent bed and sat facing Finn. Neither of them spoke.

The nurse eventually came over. She cleaned the cut on Poe’s head and gave him some bacta gel for the bruises. Finn had to get a shot for his ribs and his cheek, but they were released after. 

The lead that filled Poe’s body called for him to sleep more than the dirt called for a shower. He headed for his shared room with Finn near the hangar. Only when Finn didn’t stop walking beside him did he realize they were heading for the same place. Their hands brushed between them while they navigated halls so familiar that they could have walked them blindfolded. Poe longed to reach out, but didn’t dare.

Their door was one in a long line down the pilots’ hall. It slid open with a hiss when Poe punched his code into the panel. There were two beds with blue sheets, unkempt as the day they’d left them. Clothes were strewn on the floor. It smelled like oil and leather and lavender, just as Poe remembered.

He headed for the left bed and flopped onto it with a sigh. The hiss of the door closing preceded Finn’s soft footfalls. The other bed creaked, presumably under Finn’s weight. Poe turned his head.

Finn sat on the edge of his bed, elbows resting on his knees. He stared at his clasped hands. Poe waited for him to speak—to do something—but Finn just sat there.

“I’m sorry,” Poe said because he didn’t know what else to do.

Finn tensed, muscles along his arms shifting beneath his skin. “I just don’t understand. Two months ago, we were talking about plans together for after the war was over, and now you’re keeping things from me. I thought… Kriff, I don’t know what I thought.”

Poe flinched at the curse word. Finn didn’t say ‘kriff’ with the same lazy softness that a passive swearer did. He said a hard K and hard Fs.

“And you kissed Rey,” Finn continued, “which is...weird. I don’t know how I feel about that. Do I even have a right to feel a way about that? It’s none of my business what you guys do, except I guess...maybe it is. Rey kissed me, too, which is also weird. Don’t know how I feel about that either. She wasn’t exactly of sound mind at the time.”

Poe blinked. He didn’t know which thing to address first: the Rey thing, the kissing thing, the feelings thing, or the three of them thing.

“Also, she’s deathly afraid of turning to the dark side,” Finn said, like he’d die if he stopped talking. “I do know how I feel about that because it’s terrifying, and honestly, I’m afraid to start training in the Force because I also feel the dark. And I don’t want to go there while also being proficient in the Force. I saw Rey tear through almost fifty troopers like they were ants. Imagine what she could do if she turned against us.”

Poe didn’t have to imagine. He’d seen her decimate entire battalions.

“And then I don’t know what to do at all with...us.” Finn looked up then. “What are we, Poe?” He spoke quietly, like he was afraid of the question.

The silence that fell between them was the worst one of the day. It suffocated Poe. And more than that, he sensed that if he didn’t say something, he’d lose Finn forever. Like sand slipping between his fingers.

“I mean, we’ve always been together,” Finn mumbled, rubbing his hand repeatedly.

Say something.

“I guess I just thought…”

Say something.

“Kriff, this is stupid.” Finn stood and stepped toward the door.

“I’m afraid to lose you,” Poe blurted, softer than he intended but audible.

Finn froze.

“You asked what I was afraid of,” Poe continued, words tumbling out of him now. “I’m afraid of losing you. I’m afraid of losing Rey. And back on Daru’akad, I thought maybe I’d get to die before either of you.” He covered his eyes with his arm when seeing felt like too much to bear. “I know it’s messed up, but I can’t keep watching people around me die. And I know—I  _ know _ —that I couldn’t handle watching you die, either of you. I just...can’t.”

It was Finn’s turn to be silent.

“You can’t be the ghosts I see in my nightmares,” Poe mumbled. “I don’t want to live a life that doesn’t have you in it.”

Soft footfalls growing louder.

“I don’t know what we are, Finn. I’m afraid to find out.”

Another silence. Poe waited one heartbeat, then two, and then three. By eight, he was starting to think he’d spoken too late.

Gentle hands pulled his arm away from his eyes. Finn stood over him, eyes soft. 

"There's always going to be another battle," Finn said. "There's always going to be another enemy that could get us. I don't know if I'm willing to wait around anymore in fear." He sat on the bed with a sigh. "I thought I might die yesterday, and when I was looking back on my regrets, I didn't think about bad things I'd done or mistakes. I thought about all the chances I didn't take—words I never said, touches I held back, stares I avoided—and if I died now, I think I'd go fearing that I could have had more."

Poe's heartbeat was in his ears, nearly drowning out all other sound. "I don't know if I'm strong enough for more."

"Do you honestly think this is more bearable?" Finn leaned over Poe, bracing an arm on the other side of the bed. "What do you really want, Poe?"

The answer was obvious. It was at Poe's lips, but he couldn't bring himself to speak. Maybe it was cowardice. Evil was familiar, at least. He knew what to expect from evil, but this wasn't a problem he could solve with blasters and recklessness. No, this was far too precious, a delicate bit of warmth that he feared would break if he dared to take it.

Finn leaned down until their chests touched and his breath grazed Poe's cheek. So close. Always so close. But unlike every other time they found themselves staring at each other like this, Poe didn't have anywhere to run. Finn had trapped him here, in the room they shared, on the bed they shared.

And maybe Poe had hoped to be caught. 

The yearning he'd fought for months to keep down came bubbling up in his chest. Finn's knuckles brushed his cheek, leaving traces of warmth behind. Poe held his breath. His restraint seemed like a taut string, paralyzing him with all that was left of it. When Finn came close enough that their noses touched, the string snapped. 

Poe grabbed the front of Finn's shirt and pulled him down. A groan escaped his throat when their lips connected. He didn't try to stop the heat pulsing through him or the need that frayed his already raw nerves. The weight of Finn's body settling over him made his head swim. Hands in his hair urged him closer still. 

He got his thigh between both of Finn's before he flipped them over. Their hips fell flush, eliciting a gasp from them. The shiver that shot through Poe destroyed what little reason he had left. He licked into Finn's mouth and was rewarded with a moan that vibrated through his entire being. 

And he knew like he knew the planets spun that every time he faced death, he’d think of this moment. He’d think of scarred skin under his hands and warm, brown eyes that held depth enough to fall into and tentative lips carrying the taste of old blood. Finn was under him and against him and around him. The fingers on Poe’s back burned like brands. Lips trapped him in their sweetness. Every sharp breath and moan cut into his memory with the promise to leave scars. He was helpless while Finn embedded himself deeper into Poe's being—like he had the right, like he belonged there.

Like he'd been there all along.

"It’s you,” Poe whispered. “I want you.”


	8. Chapter 8

Rey stared at the black ceiling of medical, as she had since she’d woken up from surgery. The two other patients here were deeply unconscious—brain trauma, she guessed. The bed she had was furthest from the door. Her leg rested in white bandages, propped up on a pillow. 

The surgical droid had repaired the fracture in her leg without a problem, and with some help from the Force, she’d be battle ready again by morning. Not that she was looking forward to returning to the field. All that waited for her was more fear, more worrying about Poe and Finn, more call to the dark. It would give her the power to protect them. She could whisk them away, hidden and safe from the war.

_ Don't put me in that situation. _

“Afraid the ceiling is going somewhere?"

She jumped at the voice and turned her head to see Organa walking toward her. "What?" she asked lamely. 

Organa had a small smile as she glanced up. "Well, you're staring at it so intensely, I thought maybe you were worried it'd fly off."

Rey didn't have much humor left in her, so the most she could muster in response was a strained smile. 

Organa stopped at her bedside. "I'd ask how you're doing, but I think I can guess."

"Do I look that pathetic?" Rey asked with a tired sigh. 

"You look like you saved Poe's life and Finn's and Rose's." Organa sat on the bed's edge. "The ways we break ourselves for others…" 

Rey took a deep breath against the anxiety churning in her gut. "I think I took it too far this time."

"So I noticed."

Ice filled Rey at the implication of Organa's words. "I have no intention of turning dark."

"Oh, I know." Organa patted Rey's hand. "But if you keep ruminating on it like this, you might not have a choice."

"What do you mean?" Rey asked, anxiety ratcheting up. 

Organa didn't answer immediately, but her posture was relaxed. "Are you familiar with some of the older Jedi legends?"

Rey shook her head. She knew next to nothing on actual Jedis, just a couple tales of Vader and Obi-Wan. 

"There was a Jedi named Revan," Organa said, "who saw the injustices of a galactic war and couldn't standby while it was within his power to help. He defied his order's neutrality stance to fight in the war. This turned him to the dark side."

Rey wasn't sure she liked where this was going. Luke had encouraged her to resist earthly attachments for the express purpose of avoiding passions, like her protectiveness of Poe and Finn.

"Revan," Organa continued, "was a terror of a Sith, incomparable in power. He rained death and destruction on the galaxy until he was caught by the Jedi. They wiped his memories and trained him in the light again. He was a Jedi once more." She fiddled with a ring on her hand. "But he fell in love."

Rey blinked. "I thought romantic attachments were forbidden."

"Oh, they were." Organa had a small smile. "Bastilla was also a Jedi, one given strongly to the light, and the love she shared with Revan didn't pull him to the dark again, as the Jedi feared. Even when he got his memories back and knew himself as a former Sith, she didn't let him return to the dark. They were permitted to stay together because of her effect on him."

Something like hope sparked in Rey. "So...their love kept them light?"

A knowing smile played at Organa's lips. "Love can be passionate and chaotic, but at its core, it's finding balance—between people and lives. You've got to find that balance for yourself and your boys."

Heat flared in Rey's cheeks. "They're not—"

"I know everything that goes on in my army, dear." Organa's eyes were soft. "I can sense your fear of the dark. It's strengthened by the fear you have for Poe and Finn."

Rey lowered her gaze. "How did you not just keep Han beside you at all hours? How did you let him go, knowing you might never see him again?"

"Well, I'll be honest. It was difficult. We witnessed new horrors every day and had more than a few close calls. But ultimately, I couldn't make life about us. People depended on me to protect and guide them, and I just couldn't put Han above their lives, no matter how hard it was." She tipped Rey's chin up, so their eyes met. "The dark helped me protect my people more than once."

Rey could only manage a "What?"

"The lure of the dark comes from the freedom it grants." Organa folded her hands in her lap. "Unfettered freedom becomes indulgence—selfishness. But what matters isn't the nature of the dark. It's how it's used. My desire to protect others, even at risk of myself, kept me from falling to darkness entirely. That's why I don't fear it."

Rey could hardly believe she was hearing this from Leia Organa, brother of Luke Skywalker and daughter of Darth Vader.

"'The Force shall free me.'" Organa spoke the Sith tenet almost reverently.

Rey would have been lying if she'd said that the Sith code didn't speak to her. Part of her longed to be free. The euphoria of leaving Jakku had been like nothing she'd ever felt before, and the way her heart took off when she was with Poe and Finn didn't feel evil. Such thoughts scared her, though.

"Luke never spoke of using the dark," Rey said, "and I understand why. It's like a pull down, and the deeper you go, the harder it is to surface."

Organa nodded. "Astute. The Force is more like an ocean than a binary. Light can't reach the deepest depths, but the pressure of the dark can blind. That's why we all need to find our depth—our balance. Going too far in either direction ensures we never see the other side, and that is inherently limiting. Most people exist in the gray, whether they know it or not."

Rey's brows furrowed. "What do you mean 'the gray'? There's light and dark."

Organa shook her head. "As with most things, the Force isn't dichotomous. There is dark and light. But there is also gray. As I said, the Force is more like an ocean than a binary." She paused, as if gathering her thoughts. "The galaxy is too big to be all light or all dark, Rey. It's up to us to find the balance in all things and, most importantly, in ourselves. What is light without darkness to brighten? What is peace without passion to settle? What is restraint without freedom to break it? Could you have a front of your hand without a back? One cannot exist without the other. You fear your shadow and never think of the light that cast it."

Rey had never thought of dark and light in those terms, but it made sense, almost paradoxically.

Organa reached into her vest and pulled out a lightsaber. It was slightly slimmer than Luke's, with segmentation and bronze banding. Rey's eyes widened when Organa held it out to her.

"My days of fighting on the front lines are over," Organa said. "This hasn't seen use in almost fifteen years. It deserves to be wielded. I only hope it serves you as well as it served me."

Rey hesitated before she took it. Traces of warmth and sorrow filtered through the touch. A baby boy, metallic fingers, fire and death, grief—the flashes came quickly, and then faded like old memories half-remembered. 

"General—" Rey started. 

"You're a good engineer, yes? Perhaps you can make adjustments to your taste." Organa stood. "Take time, Rey. Rest. Get your bearings. The truth of the matter is that you're going to have to find your own balance. Luke found his place in teaching. I found my place in conflict. Revan found his in love. I told Luke long ago that the way of the old Jedi cannot persist, and I still believe that. We must learn from their mistakes."

Rey wasn't sure what to say, but Organa didn't seem to expect a response. She started for the door.

"One last thing, Rey," she said abruptly with a glance over her shoulder. "Luke felt compelled to resist romantic entanglement, but loving Han was part of my balance. I would urge you to ask yourself who, if anyone, belongs in yours—for your sake and theirs."

She left without another word. 

Rey stared at the lightsaber in her hand a long moment. It almost felt as though it had a pulse of its own, alive with memories of a full life. A whisper repeated like a hymn on the edges of Rey's mind.

_ Passion, yet peace _

_ Strength, yet serenity _

_ Power, yet harmony _

_ Chaos, yet order _

_ In life, freedom _

_ In death, purpose _

_ Dark and light in balance _

_ The Force is in all _

_ And I am the Force _

#

Poe stared at Finn’s face as the first rays of sunlight filtered through the slats of their bedroom window. Bright lines clung to the bare, umber skin of Finn’s chest, casting shadows over ridges of muscle and the many scars that marked past exploits. The sight was one Poe was used to after so many months of sharing a bed, but this morning was different. He didn’t have to imagine the way that great expanse of skin felt under his fingertips or lips. That had been burned into him now.

“Like what you see?” Finn asked. His eyes were close, so he must have sensed Poe’s stare.

“Very much,” Poe answered with a wry smile, “but I think you knew that.”

Finn opened his eyes then and set them on Poe. “It’s still nice to hear it.”

Poe propped his head up on an arm and trailed his fingers over Finn’s shoulder. Questions he wasn’t sure he wanted answered ran through his head. This was all new, and they should talk before continuing.

Finn seemed to sense Poe’s hesitation and asked, “Regrets?”

“What? No!” Poe shook his head vehemently. “No, sorry. I was just thinking about...what to do next.”

Finn turned onto his side, so he faced Poe squarely. “Well, what do you want to do next?”

Poe wasn’t sure how to answer that. What he wanted was a fantasy—a life with Finn beside him. Kriff, how did his parents do this? They’d been married when they were fighting for the Rebellion. His mother had been pregnant with him in the middle of a kriffing war, and she’d still fought. He couldn’t even fathom the strength his parents had to fall in love and start a family when they were both soldiers. An old grief constricted his chest. He wished he could ask them for guidance, but they were both ash now under the roots of Luke’s tree on Yavin 4.

“Don’t go there,” Finn said, as if sensing Poe’s thoughts—which he might have. “Just tell me what you really want, and we’ll make it work.”

Poe had the odd thought that his parents would have loved Finn. “I want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me.” As soon as the words left his mouth, a mix of anxiety and relief filled him. He still feared that Finn wouldn’t return to him one day, but there was also the freedom now to express all the things he’d been too afraid to say.

“I imagine that’ll be for the remainder of my days,” Finn said and trailed his fingers down Poe’s chest, eliciting a shiver. “There is one other thing we should talk about.”

Poe didn’t have to ask for clarification. “Rey.”

Finn nodded and lowered his eyes, a slight frown on his lips.

“I don’t know if we’re the best thing for her,” Poe admitted, even as the words tore at his chest. “She went dark for me. I don’t want to do that to her again.”

“I was thinking the same thing.” Finn sighed heavily and rubbed a hand over his face.

_ If it was you, I wouldn't fight it. I would let you, no matter how dark I was. I would let you end it. _

The words echoed in Poe’s head. He would have torn his heart out of his chest before he pushed Rey into the dark.

“I think it’s best to give her some space for now,” Finn continued softly. “Only she can tell us if she can have us around, and I don’t want to sway her decision one way or the other.”

Poe agreed, even if his heart ached with the thought that she might avoid him forever. If detaching herself was what she needed, though, then he’d let her go. And if she had to be stopped, he’d do that, too.

The dark thought made him nauseous. He owed it to her to be strong enough to stop her from becoming what she stood against. It didn’t matter that doing so would break him irreparably and haunt the rest of his numbered days. Because that was what she needed. Because he would do anything for her. 

Because they loved enough to destroy each other.

“She’s still with us,” Finn said gently and pulled at Poe’s waist until they were flush together. “It’s too early to despair.”

Poe rested a hand on Finn’s cheek. “Well, you know me—ever the pessimist.”

Finn shrugged. “You’ve got the sexy brooding look down.”

“Oh?” Poe waggled his brows. “So I’m sexy, am I?”

“Don’t let it go to your head. You’re insufferable enough.”

Poe pressed closer until their lips just barely brushed. “Insufferable, huh?” he whispered. “I don’t think you’ve seen insufferable yet.”

Finn groaned in frustration when he moved for a kiss and Poe pulled back just enough to stay out of reach.

“Something you want, lieutenant?” Poe murmured and rolled his hips against Finn’s.

“You’re terrible.” Finn sounded breathless, and he groaned again when he failed to capture the lips an inch away from his.

Poe chuckled. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Insufferable.”

“You’re getting the picture now.”

When Poe rolled his hips again, Finn pushed him back and straddled him. “I’m not sure I am. Can you explain it to me better?”

Poe ran his fingers over the thighs entrapping his hips, drawing a sharp breath from Finn. “At your request.”

The muscles along Finn’s arms flexed as he took Poe’s wrists and pinned them to the bed. Their bodies were almost flush together now. Weight on his arms and legs. The restraints were tight. Can’t move. Inside his head. Digging. Tearing.

“Poe?” Finn’s voice was soft and concerned.

The weight on Poe’s wrists and body disappeared. Finn was lying beside him now, not touching.

Poe took one breath and then another. Warm sheets. Morning light. The scent of lavender oil. Home.

“I’m all right,” he said, voice raw. “Sorry, that was...abrupt.”

Finn reached out, as if to put his hand in Poe’s hair, but withdrew before he made contact. “Please don’t apologize. I should have known better.”

That seemed an unfair assumption since Poe couldn’t even guess at what set him off sometimes. He couldn’t find the will to explain the mystery of his scarred mind, so he just took Finn’s hand and put it in his hair. The touch was warm and soft, nothing like Ren’s. In it was the promise of safety and compassion. 

Finn ran his fingers through the dark strands and asked, “Is this all right?”

“You don’t need to worry about every touch,” Poe said, wholly uninterested in being treated like glass. Time and distance from his torture had made physical contact easier, and he was at a point now where he wanted to replace the memory of Ren’s abuse with positive touch. Finn’s hands chased away the wounds that somehow lingered after they’d healed. His gentleness soothed the invisible cuts left in Poe’s mind that might never close. And what Poe needed now was to be a little uncomfortable and allow himself the vulnerability of receiving affection.

“What I mean to say,” Poe continued, “is that I like how you touch me. I’d prefer you did so freely. If something doesn’t feel good, I’ll let you know.”

Finn nodded, albeit stiffly, and hesitantly slid a hand down Poe’s side. “I just don’t want to be the reason you’re suffering.”

A corner of Poe’s lips turned up. “Not all suffering is bad. Sometimes it makes the relief even better.”

“Oh?” Finn arched a brow. “How so?”

Poe’s smile grew wider. “Care for a demonstration?”

Finn nodded.

Poe was happy to oblige.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for reference
> 
> Jedi Code:  
> There is no emotion, there is peace.  
> There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.  
> There is no passion, there is serenity.  
> There is no chaos, there is harmony.  
> There is no death, there is the Force.
> 
> Sith Code:  
> Peace is a lie, there is only passion.  
> Through passion, I gain strength.  
> Through strength, I gain power.  
> Through power, I gain victory.  
> Through victory, my chains are broken.  
> The Force shall free me.
> 
> Gray Jedi Code:  
> Flowing through all, there is balance  
> There is no peace without a passion to create  
> There is no passion without peace to guide  
> Knowledge fades without the strength to act  
> Power blinds without the serenity to see  
> There is freedom in life  
> There is purpose in death  
> The Force is all things and I am the Force


	9. Chapter 9

Six hours running through the training course Organa made was not how Rey anticipated spending her day, and by all rights, she deserved a day of rest. But she couldn’t be idle. Her feet demanded she move. They took her between densely packed trees, chasing after a target bot that whirred always just out of her reach. A leap and flip sent her soaring into its path just as it rounded a boulder. She brought her lightsaber down on it, splitting it in half.

Organa’s saber was lighter than Luke’s, so she was still getting used to the feel of it in her hand. Honestly, she wished she had a staff again. That was what she’d trained with for most of her life. Nothing felt more comfortable in her hands. 

She leaned against the trunk of a tree, catching her breath, and pulled Luke’s saber from her belt. Organa had given Rey permission to tinker on the design. She’d refrained from doing so with Luke’s since he wasn’t around to tell her otherwise. Part of her thought he wouldn’t have minded, though, given that he hadn’t really wanted it.

Her boots crunched over the leaves on the forest floor when she headed for the base. The air here was humid and tasted vaguely of citron. Late afternoon sun filtered through the tree branches. It would be dinner in an hour or two. Rey hadn’t eaten all day, and she barely felt the emptiness in her stomach. Poe and Finn would scold her negligence.

The tightness in her chest made breathing hard. It was the newest phenomenon that struck whenever she thought of her boys—no, not her boys. She couldn’t think of them as hers. They were their own people, and she had no right to them.

When she breached the tree line, the base came into view. It was overgrown as always—an assortment of metal buildings covered in vines. The foliage gave them some camouflage, but sometimes the plants got into their electrical systems and had to be cut away. Minfar was alive enough that it thought to reclaim everything that settled on it.

Soldiers ran around, practicing drills or getting ready to head out. A couple gave Rey nods as she passed by on her way to the hangar. She immediately went to the storage closet in the side of the bay, which had all manner of ship parts or just junk that had been salvaged over the last couple months. The odd parts were haphazardly thrown onto shelves or in boxes. 

Rey rummaged through the pieces, looking for anything in the right shape that wasn’t also vital for starship repairs. She eventually found a cracked pipe from a TY-6F shuttle and a smaller pipe from a Corellian jet that would fit into the other. BB-8 rolled into the closet just as she headed for the door.

“Hey,” she greeted with a smile. “Just the droid I wanted to see.”

BB-8 gave a quizzical chirp.

“Were you looking for me, too?”

_ Affirmative, _ he beeped.  _ Friend-Poe and Friend-Finn [inquired] your [location] during time-day. _

Rey’s smile dropped. “I’ve just been training.” She glanced at the parts in her hands. “If you’ve got a spare minute, though, I could use your help.”

_ [Happily] affirmative. _ He rolled closer to her.

She explained how to cut the pipes, so she could slot them together into a makeshift telescoping shaft. He had a laser cutter and welding tools, which made the process easier. They had to look for more parts that Rey could use for a quick-release latch and hinge.

She ended up making a telescoping shaft that had a detachable and lockable hinge in the middle. BB-8 helped her fix the lightsabers to either end and weld bits of metal as counterweights, so Organa’s lighter saber would match the weight of Luke’s. It wasn’t technically a double-bladed lightsaber or a staff. But it could be used as either. The detachable hinge also allowed the two sabers to be wielded separately.

She’d have to take more time to practice using her new creation, but when she extended it to its fullest length, it felt like her old quarterstaff and was only slightly shorter. BB-8 gave a series of curious chirps when she spun it around, testing the weight distribution and how it felt in her hands.

“Do you like it?” she asked and twirled it in front of her.

BB-8 gave an affirmative.  _ Continue [assist Friend-Rey]? _

She shook her head. “No, thank you, B. You’ve done wonderfully.”

He chirped happily just as a familiar voice said, “You in the closet, B?”

Poe stepped in and froze when he saw Rey. She quickly detached the halves of her weapon and clipped the lightsabers to her belt.

_ Complete [Assist Friend-Poe] _ , BB-8 beeped.  _ Found Friend-Rey. _

“Ah… Yeah, you did,” Poe mumbled, eyes never leaving Rey. “Thanks, buddy. Can you find Finn for me now?”

BB-8 rolled away with an affirmative, leaving Poe and Rey alone.

Silence hung between them. She couldn’t even look him in the eye. The shame of what she’d done to him made her stomach knot, and the darkness around her grew. What she'd asked hadn't been fair. He had enough to suffer over.

“That was cool,” he said abruptly, breaking the silence. “Whatever you had there.”

She glanced at the lightsabers. “Oh, thanks. I just… Well, Organa gave me her saber, and I’ve always wanted a staff again. I figured I’d just...stick them together.”

He nodded. “That’s good thinking.” He pushed a hand through his hair. His jumpsuit was unzipped, top half bunched around his hips. A black tanktop hugged his chest. Oil streaks dirtied one side of his neck and blackened his hands. He must have been working on the ships.

“Finn and I missed you at lunch...and breakfast,” he said. “Where’ve you been?”

She shrugged and rubbed her arm. “Training. I’ve been trying to get used to wielding Organa’s lightsaber.”

“Have you eaten at all today?” His tone was dangerously close to angry, and when she didn’t respond, he sighed. “Kriff, Rey. You’re still recovering from Daru’akad. You need to eat.”

“I’ve gone longer without eating just fine,” she shot back, suddenly indignant.

“And I suppose the day before you took on three kriffing walkers?”

“Oh, and you’re just fine after crashing yourself into one of those walkers?”

“At least I ate today!”

“It’s none of your kriffing business what I do!”

Finn chose just then to walk in.

“Uh… Hey, guys,” he said, glancing between Rey and Poe. “What’s going on? B said you wanted to see me, but I can just—”

“I was just leaving,” Rey muttered and started for the door.

Poe caught her arm, stopping her. “You need to eat,” he said, voice almost a growl.

She glared up at him, and he held her eyes, undaunted as always. The darkness was growing more and more.

“Why do you always do this?” she demanded. “I can take care of myself.”

He arched a brow. “You call this taking care of yourself?”

The parts in the closet clinked as they started shaking. 

“I didn’t ask for your kriffing opinion!” Rey spat.

Poe’s jaw clenched. “No, you never do. You’re just going to run yourself into the kriffing ground and make the rest of us worried.”

The clinking got louder as the darkness grew.

“I didn’t ask you to worry about me either.”

“Well, it's not like I have a choice when I lo—” He cut himself off and let go of her arm.

The darkness receded in an instant. The clinking quieted. Rey took a step back.

“What?” she breathed.

He shook his head and headed out the door. “Just kriffing eat,” he grumbled as he went.

Rey wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling small. She could guess at what he was about to say, and what she’d asked of him became so much worse.

“Don't mind him,” Finn said with one of his good-natured smiles. "He's been in a mood all day."

She was scum, and here Finn was, trying to make her feel better. “So have I,” she mumbled. “It wasn’t his fault at all.”

Finn let out a long breath, smile dropping. “You know we’re here for you, right?”

That was the problem. “You love each other, don’t you?”

“I… Where did that come from?” Finn’s skin was too dark to see his blush, but Rey knew it was there.

“Take care of each other, Finn. Please.” She could live without them if she knew they were happy together. 

Finn’s brows pressed together. “You’ll always have a place with us, Rey. I hope you know that.”

She smiled sadly. He was too good, just like Poe. What place could she possibly have with them? Organa had told her to see if anyone fit in her balance, but she wasn’t sure if she fit with Poe and Finn. Her feelings for them clouded her judgment and made her control fail.

She started for the training course, but stopped on the tarmac, cursed loud enough to startle several nearby mechanics, and headed instead for the mess hall.

#

She has fire in her eyes and ice in her veins. In the dark, her figure is illuminated only by the red of her lightsabers. One in either hand, pulsing steadily. She lowers them as he presses the tip of his blaster to her chest.

He fires.

Finn shot upright. His entire body shook as he held his face in his hands. Cold sweat chilled his skin. He couldn't slow the fast breaths that burned in his chest. His heartbeat pulsed in his ears and beat against the back of his sternum.

Poe was beside him in an instant. "Finn?" he said, sounding far more alert than he should have been for just being woken. "What's wrong?"

Tears were at Finn's eyes as he dropped his hands to look at Poe in the dark. "She's going to be killed."

"What are you talking about?" Poe asked, words coming out rough and quiet. 

"She went dark, and she had to be stopped," Finn rasped, dimly noting the change in his verb tense. Time seemed less linear suddenly.

Poe flinched back like he'd been struck.

"She had to be stopped," Finn repeated. "She had to." He could hardly breathe as the vision replayed over and over in his mind.

“What did you see?” Poe asked.

Finn ran a hand down his face. “She had two red lightsabers, and she was...different. She wasn’t Rey anymore. Someone put a blaster to her chest and...” He couldn’t even finish the sentence.

Poe was quiet a long moment. When he did speak, his voice was strained. “She’s not going to turn dark. We’re not going to let her.”

“I think we’re the reason she’s turning dark.” The truth of that hurt worse than any wound Finn had received.

Poe didn’t have a response. He just pressed his forehead to Finn’s temple. Finn leaned into the touch, taking some comfort in the warmth offered. Part of him wanted to get up now and see Rey, but he feared what that might do to her.

“It was just a dream,” Poe whispered. “I believe in Rey. She won’t turn dark.”

It hadn’t felt like a dream. It’d felt like a vision, like the future had reached back to him, but Organa often said that the future was always changing.

A chirp from the datapad lying on the floor by the bed made Finn’s head turn. He reached down and grabbed it. A connection from Organa flashed on the screen. Poe sat straighter and pushed a button on the pad to open the line.

“It’s the middle of the night, general,” he said. “What’s going on?”

Organa didn’t respond immediately, voice coming through indistinctly like she was talking to someone else. “Sorry to wake you both. We’ve just finished decrypting that data disc, and I want all of you to see this.”

“We’ll be there in five,” Finn said, already getting to his feet. “Control room?”

“Yes, see you there.” The connection clicked off.

Poe pulled on the first shirt and pair of pants he found on the floor. Finn did the same. They were still rubbing sleep from their eyes when they headed out to the base’s main control room.

It was one of the largest spaces in the base, with consoles covering every wall. Decoders and transmissions experts manned them, working around the clock. The screens were most a dull yellow to spare their eyes at night. The largest console was lit up in the center of the room with a star system Finn had never seen before.

Rey was already there, looking up at the display. The ache in Finn’s chest grew when she turned her head and met his stare. Her eyes now looked familiar, but they hadn’t in his dream. She’d had death in her gaze.

“General,” Poe said when Organa headed for them, “what’s going on?”

She waved them forward. “I couldn’t let this wait,” she said as they approached the console. “I might have you all leave tonight actually, if you think you’re healed enough.”

“We’re good to go,” Finn said without hesitation. Bacta treatments had ensured the worst of their injuries were gone, and he wasn’t about to pass up any opportunity that could help Organa.

She pointed to a planet in the star system on display. “The data disc contains info on an Order base here—Ratur Eight.” She pressed her finger to the planet, and it enlargened. “It’s mostly tempestuous ocean, so the base is airborne at all times, which will make it difficult to infiltrate.”

“And what are we infiltrating it for, general?” Rey asked, brows pressed together.

Organa clasped her hands behind her back. “The disc suggested the Order is rounding up deserters here, stormtroopers who went rogue.”

Finn’s stomach sank. He’d always hoped there would be more troopers like him, but the Order didn’t take kindly to traitors.

“What are they doing with them?” Poe asked.

Organa didn’t respond for a long moment. “Experimentation.”

Finn felt nauseous. “What kind of experimentation?” he asked, even though he feared the answer.

“The specifics are unclear, but we think they’re trying to create some kind of cyborg super-soldiers.” She paused as she stared up at the planet on display. “We can’t let them continue this. Your mission will be to infiltrate the base, set a fuse inside, and blow it.”

The click of a blaster powering on made everyone’s head turn.

Jannah stood in the doorway, blaster raised at the general. “The hell you will,” she hissed. “Some of the people in there are friends.”

Rey had a hand on one of her lightsabers, and Poe had a hand on the blaster at his hip. Finn lifted his hands. All the eyes in the room were on them.

“Taisiya and I have been looking for that kriffing base for months,” Jannah continued. “I’m not letting you kill my people.”

“They’re not your people anymore,” Organa said evenly. “The Order has stolen that from them. Death would be a mercy.” She pressed a button on the console, and a display of a human female came up. Half of her face and all of her limbs had been cut away. Text boxes with machine descriptions pointed to parts of her.

Finn looked away, his stomach rolling.

“I don’t make this decision lightly,” Organa continued softly, gravely, “but if those were my people, I’d want to rip the whole damn place from the sky.”

Poe reached out for Finn’s hand—a small gesture, but it did ease some of the revulsion building in Finn.

“No,” Jannah said, her voice shaking now. “There might be some who haven’t yet gone through...that.”

“She’s right,” Rey said. “We should see if we can pull out any survivors before we blow the thing.”

Organa let out a breath. “All right,” she agreed, “but we don’t have the resources for a full-scale attack.”

Jannah lowered her blaster. Poe and Rey took their hands off their weapons.

Finn waved a finger at the console, changing the display to the planet again. “We’ll make it a stealthy infiltration and extraction then,” he mumbled, mostly to himself. “The base needs an engine to keep it airborne. We sneak in, look for survivors, get them out, and then we can just blow the engine. The whole thing will plummet into the ocean.”

“We can use the shuttle we stole from the Order to get in,” Rey suggested.

“We’ll need some uniforms, too, and claim to be Order officers doing an inspection. You might have to do most of the convincing there, Rey.”

She nodded. “Our problem won’t be getting in. It’ll be getting out.”

“I have some uniforms you can use,” Organa chimed in. “You should have someone stay on the ship to pilot at a moment’s notice, and three people to act as officers—one to find and blow the engine, one to distract, and one to look for survivors.”

Poe folded his arms over his chest. “So four people at least,” he said. “Five would be preferable. If something happens to one of us, we should have another person to step in or assist when the pilot can’t.” He turned to Jannah. “You know how to fly the shuttle. You willing to be our get away driver?”

She nodded. “I can do that.”

“Rose is handy with explosives,” Finn noted, “but she’s not the best actress. She’d be good to have on the shuttle, advising whoever is blowing up the engine.”

Rey tapped her fingers against her thigh. “So you, me, Poe, Jannah, and Rose. We still need an exit plan.”

Poe chewed his lip a moment. “The person doing the distracting will have to be the last to leave. The other two can get back on the ship while they’re keeping the rest of the base busy. If they’re not suspected at all by the time we have to leave, then they could also theoretically find a reason to get back on the ship and just go. But if not, they’re the most likely to stay behind. They need to be able to fight their way out.”

“It should be me then,” Rey said matter-of-factly. “I’m the strongest here and also have the most ability to distract.”

Finn couldn’t argue with the logic, but he didn’t like the idea of her being in the highest risk position. He didn’t like the idea of anyone being in that position, though, so he’d just have to accept that she was the most likely to survive.

"It's settled then," Organa said with a heavy sigh. "I'll wake Rose. All of you should leave as soon as possible. The disc suggested the Order was going to perform a test of their soldiers on us, and I don't want to find out how soon that test is."

"Yes, ma'am," Finn, Poe, and Rey said in unison. 

Organa looked over the three of them with hard eyes. "May the Force be with you."


	10. Chapter 10

The uniform felt wrong on Rey’s body. It was jet black, and the shoulders stood out. She didn’t like the hat, either. She’d had to put her hair in a long braid to accommodate it. Her lightsabers were clipped under the coat at her waist, discreet but still easy to access. 

She sat on a bench in the shuttle’s main cabin, pointedly staring at the floor. Poe and Jannah manned the helm. Finn sat on the opposite side of the shuttle beside Rose. He wore a gray captain’s uniform that hugged his chest and arms, and he seemed profoundly tense in the outfit, probably resenting what it represented and that he was wearing it.

Silence hung heavy amongst the five of them. No one had attempted to speak, except when they’d initially briefed each other on the plan. The past four hours in hyperspace had otherwise been quiet, which was just as well. Rey didn’t feel much like talking. Everything in her head was a storm of guilt and fear and uncertainty. She’d thought that deciding to distance herself from Poe and Finn would give her some kind of peace, but everything in her screamed to take them away with her. 

“Coming out of hyperspace!” Poe announced a moment before the stars whizzing outside the windscreen abruptly went stationary. “Ten minutes to landing!”

A blue planet came into view, rapidly growing larger. Rey shuddered at the sight of it. There was evil down there. 

Poe came into the main cabin to grab a blaster from a rack in the wall, putting him next to Rey. When she looked up at him, he met her eyes while he holstered a pistol to his belt. He wore a black lieutenant’s uniform like her, though he filled his out better. The muscles around his jaw were tense.

They hadn’t said a word to each other since their fight yesterday, and part of Rey hoped it remained that way. Maybe she could just cut off whatever this was cleanly. A much stronger part of her longed to reach out to him and beg his forgiveness—in the pathetic kind of way that involved kneeling and tears. 

But she didn’t do that. And he looked away.

They touched down after ten minutes. Rey stood with Poe on either side of Finn at the shuttle’s side door. 

“I’ll be ready here,” Rose said from a bench. “Poe, when you get down to the engine room, let me know. Timing is important here, and if you set the bomb too early, we’ll all be screwed.”

Poe nodded his acknowledgement and opened the door. Rain met them immediately. An endless expanse of ocean stormed below. The Imperial base hovered several hundred feet over the water’s surface, and it had only one launch pad sticking out from the larger facility. It was all cold, gray metal that nearly blended in with the dark clouds overhead. A pair of stormtroopers flanked a woman in a red labcoat.

“Captain Netses!” she called over the roar of the ocean’s waves and howling wind. “We weren’t made aware of your arrival beforehand! My apologies!”

Finn stepped out of the shuttle. Poe and Rey followed suit, keeping their backs straight like soldiers should.

“Never mind that!” Finn replied. “Show us in!”

The woman bowed her head and hurried toward the base with the troopers. Finn exchanged a nod with Rey and Poe before they trotted after their escort. Rose closed the door to the shuttle after them. 

“Good luck,” she said through the ear pieces she’d given them. “May the Force be with us.”

Rey, Poe, and Finn were damp with rainwater by the time they made it through base’s door. The interior looked much the same as the exterior with hard, gray walls. They appeared to be in an antechamber with two doors—one directly ahead and one to the right. The woman in the red labcoat shook water from her short, black hair. The pair of stormtroopers with her left through the right-hand door.

“I’m sorry about that,” she said with a sigh. “It’s always raining here.”

Finn straightened out his overshirt. “Rain is hardly anything to worry about,” he muttered. “Who are you, ma’am?”

She had a sheepish smile. “Ah, pardon my manners, captain. I’m Doctor Lia Verek, director of this facility.”

He nodded. “These are Lieutenants Pav—” he gestured to Rey— “and Malar.” He gestured to Poe.

“An honor to meet all of you,” she said with a slight nod. “How may I help you?”

“We’d like to inspect the deserters you’ve been working on before they’re deployed.” Finn’s voice was impressively level, given what he was saying.

Verek nodded. “Yes, of course. I’d be happy to lead you around.”

“Lieutenant Malar will be inspecting your facilities in the meantime.”

Poe stepped forward. “I would prefer if any engineer led me, ma’am—someone who knows these labs mechanically.”

Verek took a moment to take out a comm device and call someone. As soon as she was done, she turned her attention to Poe. “One of our engineers will be here shortly Lieutenant Malar. Captain, would you and Lieutenant Pav please follow me?”

When she headed for the right-hand door, Finn followed her. Rey spared a glance back at Poe before she came to Finn’s side. She didn’t like not having eyes on him, but it was necessary. 

She just had to trust that they could pull this off.

#

The room Finn found himself in made him want to vomit. Giant tubes lined the walls, filled with limbless people suspended in some kind of red liquid. Their eyes were closed, as if asleep. Breathing masks covered their mouths and noses. All of them would have been former stormtroopers like him. It could have been him in one of these tubes.

Rey squeezed his bicep, a fleeting touch since they had an act to maintain, but he was reassured by her presence. She wasn’t looking at him when he glanced askance at her. Her eyes were fixed on the scientist’s back in front of them.

“As you can see,” Verek said while gesturing around her, “the process is fairly simple. The arms and legs are removed, as well as their eyes. They’re then replaced with cybernetic enhancements, making them faster and stronger. All of them are also implanted with a chip in their brain to increase suggestiveness and decrease individual will.”

“You make them compliant,” Rey said, her voice deceptively calm.

Verek nodded and glanced over her shoulder at Finn. “They’re perfect soldiers.”

Finn clenched his hands into fists at his sides, trying to keep his anger down. “Fascinating,” he muttered.

The doctor led them through a door across the room. It had more large tubes filled with people, but these weren’t filled with liquid. Ice coated the inside of the glass. The people inside had metal limbs already, and they were rigid. 

“These are our complete specimens,” Verek explained. “They’re cryogenically frozen, so we don’t have to feed them until we’re ready to use them.”

Finn did a quick count and was relieved that the number was less than he feared. Nine was still nine too many, however, and that wasn’t counting the fifteen in the other room who were already past saving. Twenty-four lives destroyed.

“You must have some...unprocessed ones,” Finn said carefully. “How do you decide who to use?”

Verek had a delighted smile that Finn imagined ripping off. “Oh, let me show you.” She headed for a side door. 

It emptied into a long hallway. A couple stormtroopers marched by them as they headed for a door close to the end. Finn kept his head bowed, not wanting anyone to get a good look at his face. Rey did the same.

Verek brought them into another hallway lined with barred cells. “These are the deserters we haven’t yet worked on,” she said as she led them past the cells filled with cowering people. “So far we’ve been using the ones who already have combat experience and strong physiques. I’ve actually been thinking about using the weaker ones for some of my more experimental work.”

Rey scowled and said, “You will give me your keys to the cells.”

“I will give you the keys to the cells,” Verek intoned and handed Rey a key card.

“Sleep.”

Verek dropped like a stone. Finn looked around at all the former troopers now staring at him with curiosity and wariness. 

“We’re in position,” he said for everyone to hear over the comm channel. “Any updates, Poe?”

“Working on it,” Poe whispered through the ear piece.

Finn took the key card from Rey. “I’ll let them out,” he said. “Watch the door. As soon as Poe’s ready, we’re going to have to sneak out of here. “

She nodded and headed for the door. Finn went to the cells at the very end and swiped the card over the door panels. They hissed open. The people inside hesitantly came closer.

“It’s all right,” he said. “We’re with the Resistance. We’re going to get you out of here.”

#

This kriffing engineer would not shut up. Poe had been following her for at least four rooms now, and he’d said maybe two words the entire time. They were currently in the boiler room, which was essentially just a sink for humidity and sadness—complete with a decorative backsplash of eerie, exposed piping along the walls.

“They never listen to me about putting some insulation in here,” the engineer continued. “Do you know how hot these pipes get? You could get second degree burns just from being within four inches of them. Also, the boiler hasn’t actually been cleaned in almost three years, which just means it could start poisoning all our water at any moment, but what do I know. It’s like talking to ghosts. No one cares about a damn—”

“I’m curious about your engine,” Poe interrupted, mostly just because he wanted her to stop talking.

Her eyes sparkled as she looked at him. “Really? I designed it myself.” She headed through a side door. “It uses the tidal forces on the planet to balance the base.”

He sighed and followed her through the door. It opened to a stairwell leading down to large room with a massive sphere of metal in the middle. The metal grates making the floor groaned under Poe’s boots as the engineer brought him close to the sphere.

“So powerful magnets—”

Poe hit the engineer in the back of the head with the butt of his blaster, knocking her out. Blissful silence followed, save for the whir of whatever was in the sphere—the engine presumably.

“I’m position,” Poe said as he took the pieces of the bomb Rose gave him from inside his overshirt. Most of the components were small and flat—easily concealable. 

Rose’s voice crackled through his ear piece. “All right, so you’re going to—”

An alarm rang out, echoing off the walls of the room.

Poe sighed heavily. “Kriff.”

#

Rey had no less than five dead stormtroopers at her feet outside the door leading to the cells. Her lightsabers thrummed in her hands. One of the troopers had recognized Finn and raised the alarm. Kriff, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. What were the odds that a stormtrooper was here who would have known Finn well enough before he defected to have seen him without his helmet?

The ex-troopers stood behind her, with Finn at the head of them. She had to make a decision fast. 

“Poe, you get that bomb up now,” she ordered. “Finn, get everyone out. I’ll keep the troopers off you.”

“Alone?” he said incredulously. “Rey, that’s—”

“Go!” Heat burned up her spin as she sent a wave of power at a group of troopers coming down the hall. She didn’t wait for Finn’s response and charged forward. 

The troopers were already getting up. Blaster shots came at her. She threw one lightsaber forward and used the other to deflect the shots. Blue light ripped through the group, cutting several of the troopers in half. She willed her saber back to her hand and turned in time to see Finn urging the deserters back the way they’d come into the base. Her eyes connected with his across the hallway. 

“Go,” she mouthed, sensing his hesitation.

Another group of troopers burst out of a side door. Rey deflected their shots, not letting even one get past her. Only when she heard the last footfalls behind her fade did she ease up on her defense.

There were eight troopers in totals, firing in lines of two. She walked toward them, either deflecting their blasts or dodging them. Heat burned up her spine again as she encroached on them. On an inhale, it filled her. She wouldn’t let any of them have Finn. 

Her power released from her on a sharp exhale, knowing the troopers back. She rushed them before they could get their blasters up. Her sabers tore through them like they were no different from the air. The scent of burning flesh filled the hallway. One stormtrooper weakly started crawling away, and she cut off his remaining arm before he reached the blaster on the floor.

Footfalls made her head whip around. An open door revealed another line of troopers. One of them had bulky, red armor and heavy blaster pack on his pack. She jumped away just as he fired. The blast burned through the hallway and ripped a hole in the wall. Waves of heat rushed over Rey, but she’d dodged the worst of the impact. 

“Bomb’s set,” Poe said quickly through her ear piece, “but I’m pinned down in here.”

Rey cursed. “I’ll be right there.”

The heavy trooper rounded the corner into the hallway. 

“They’re going to shoot the doors open soon,” Poe said. “I don’t know if I can—”

Rey didn’t hear the rest. Darkness tempered the edges of her vision. The heavy trooper shot a massive blast at her, and her hand came up. The beam went straight into the floor, sending metal shards into the air, along with sparks and smoke. Rey leapt through the debris, heedless of the shrapnel that cut her arms. Her lightsabers came up to cross in front of her.

The heavy trooper took a step back when she emerged from the smoke, heading straight for him. He let out another blast. She lifted a palm toward and directed it over her shoulder. It thrummed right next to ear a moment before it made impact somewhere behind her. More metal went flying, but she didn’t even notice it. 

The intersection of her sabers met the trooper’s neck. She slid her arms out, cutting through his delicate flesh and bone. His head slid away as the rest of his body went limp to the floor. 

She charged the remaining troopers who’d come through one of the doors. Most of them didn’t even let off a shot before she cut through them, and her stride barely faltered over the obstacle of their bodies.

Poe was on a lower level nearer the center of the base. She turned through a door, letting her senses guide her. They took her through several rooms, most empty, but she didn’t have to pause much to dispatch a couple troopers. Eventually, she came to a humid room with exposed piping. A crowd of troopers were trying to beat down a door. They spun around when they her the thrum of her sabers. 

She didn’t bother cutting them down, just lifted a hand and sent them into the pipes on the walls. They screamed as the heat from the pipes burned through their armor and into their flesh. She held them there while she cut through the door with a saber. Poe had probably locked it to keep the troopers at bay.

He was waiting at the bottom of the stairwell leading into the engine room. His eyes were wide as he stared up at her. She still held the troopers to the wall pipes, but their screams were dying now.

“Rey,” he breathed.

“Let’s go,” she said tersely. “We don’t have a lot of time before the bomb blows.”

He hesitated before following her back the way she’d come. They were close to the antechamber when a massive boom shook the whole base. Rey held her breath, waiting for the feeling of falling, but it never came.

“Sorry,” Finn’s voice was weak over the comm link. He sounded out of breath. “I don’t…” He gasped in. “I don’t think I’m going to make it.”

Rey’s stomach dropped. The darkness crept further across her vision.

“Finn, what’s going on?” Poe asked urgently, desperately. “Finn?”

“Poe… Rey…” Finn was barely audible now. “I’m so...sorry.”

“No, no, don’t.” Poe’s voice broke. “Please, Finn.”

“I love you both.”

Poe was hyperventilating now. “Finn!”

Rey didn’t cry, didn’t beg, didn’t plead with higher powers she didn’t believe in. Her vision went black. And she screamed.


	11. Chapter 11

The hum and crackle of Rey’s sabers were distant when the cyber-troopers woke up. Their cryo-chambers had opened already, and they emerged with metal limbs. Eyes translucent blue, no whites, set on Finn and the deserters. He urged them forward and took out his blaster.

The door slid shut behind them when they entered the room filled with the limbless bodies of their comrades. Finn shot the door panel, but the cyber-troopers would doubtlessly break through. He stayed at the back of the group. Fear shot through him at the first groan and creak of metal bending, but he turned and faced the door while the deserters ran for the exit.

He had a thermal detonator that he’d hoped he wouldn’t have to use, but hope often wasn’t enough. So he took it from inside his overcoat, set it, and threw it at the door just as it tore open. The cyber-troopers crawled out through the hole they’d clawed open. Finn backed himself against the far wall and started firing his blaster. He caught two in the head outright, but three other shots hit arms and legs that felt nothing.

The detonator’s blast knocked the air out of him and sent shards of metal flying. He raised his arms in time to block shrapnel from burrowing into his face and stomach. The whole base shook with the force of the explosion, rumbling under his feet and through the wall at his back.

When the smoke cleared, unnatural blue eyes set on him. Three of the cyber-troopers were still moving, but two were little more than a pile of broken limbs. The third had a missing arm and a leg twisted horribly. It dragged itself over the charred, broken corpses of the others. Finn lifted his blaster just as it launched into a sprint for him.

The first shot he let out went wide. The second was just a graze. And he didn’t have a chance for a third.

It tackled him with all the force of a truck. His ribs cracked, smashed between a metal shoulder and an immovable wall. Something slid into his side. The flesh their gave immediately, and then searing pain shot through him. He couldn’t even scream—the air in his lungs gone. His finger pulled the trigger of his blaster blindly, once and then again.

The cyber-trooper fell limp. It slid to the floor. Finn sank down, strength in his legs vanishing. His blaster slipped from his fingers and landed on the floor with a clatter he didn’t hear. Warmth rushed down his side. A shard of metal stuck out from the left side of his abdomen. Blood flowed freely from the wound. His vision went in and out as he tried to breathe past the ache of broken ribs and shredded muscle.

“Sorry,” he rasped, knowing he didn’t have much time to speak. “I don’t…” He sucked in as much air as he could. “I don’t think I’m going to make it.”

Poe’s voice came quickly. “Finn, what’s going on?” A pause. “Finn?”

Breathing was so hard, but Finn had to tell them. “Poe… Rey… I’m so...sorry.” Tears burned at his eyes.

“No, no, don’t.” Poe was begging now, his voice so painfully frail. “Please, Finn.”

The tears brimmed over, sliding down Finn’s cheeks as he forced himself to draw another breath. He had to say it. “I love you both.”

Poe might have called for him again, but he couldn’t hear it. His heartbeat was so loud in his ears. Every breath burned and ached in equal measure. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the end.

#

The base groaned under the force of Rey’s rage. Distantly, she heard Poe’s voice, but she didn’t know what he was saying. Didn’t care to know. What did it matter now?

She sprinted through the halls. Every body who got in her way turned into blood smears and broken limbs, crumpled and discarded like paper thrown into a waste bin. Damn the bomb, she’d raze this place to ashes.

She found him in that horrible room filled with tubes of people. They were all broken now, spilling shards of glass and red liquid across the floor. Scorch marks and twisted metal burst across every surface—a thermal detonator's doing doubtlessly. The mangled and smoking corpses of the cyber-troopers were sprayed across one side of the room. One of them lay beside Finn, two blaster shots burning holes through its torso.

She stared at Finn’s unmoving form. Metal had been driven deep into his side, blood slipping out of wound and dyeing his uniform red. Her breath left her in a rush as her chest tightened, and every muscle in her abdomen clenched.

Two stormtroopers entered from the hole blasted in the far wall. Before they even lifted their blasters, she raised her hand to them and made a fist. Their bodies caved in on themselves like cans being squeezed. The crunch of their bones and armor echoed off the walls. Blood gushed down their mutilated bodies. 

The remaining chunk of wall at the back bent open, sending sparks flying where the edges scraped along the floor and ceiling. A line of troopers stood in the room beyond. Their fear hummed in her mind at a high pitch while they ran for the nearest door. She willed all of them to the ceiling by their throats. Their choked gasps rang in her ears. 

They would all suffer for what they'd done. 

The click of a blaster powering up behind her made her pause. She turned as every trooper fell to the floor, gasping and coughing. Finn stood unsteadily, blaster pointed at her chest. He had one hand to the bleeding wound in his side. His breaths came raggedly.

Resolve. That was the only thing in his eyes as he stared at her. He would do what needed to be done. He would stop her.

She had to be stopped.

Her eyes closed, and she lowered her lightsabers to her sides. He pressed the barrel of the blaster to her chest, just left of her sternum. Even in the middle of her rage, she couldn't fight him. There was peace in that, in accepting that her life was his to take. And it always had been.

“Stop!”

Her eyes snapped open to see Poe at the door. He was breathing heavily and sweat dampened his forehead. His hand shook as it pressed his own blaster to his temple. 

Raw fear shot through Rey. “Poe, don’t,” she said, low and firm.

“No.” His eyes were hard, filled with that unwavering fortitude she loved so much. “If you die, then I do, too.”

The dark receded a little, letting her breathe easier. “Poe, please.” Her voice was thin and small.

“Come back to us, Rey.” His eyes softened then. “We can go together.”

Finn’s blaster lowered as he slumped to one side. Rey caught him easily and lowered him to the floor. He was alive, but barely. Blood was filling his abdominal cavity, and part of his liver had been cut through. Echoes of his pain wracked Rey’s senses.

“Can you save him?” Poe asked, holstering his blaster again.

Not while she was still shaking with fury. It deafened her, blocking out her ability to connect with his essence in the Force. But Finn needed her. She had to calm herself—for him.

She gathered Finn in her arms and lifted him gingerly. “Let’s get to the ship first,” she said, and then added, “Don’t let me go after anyone else.”

Poe nodded tersely, and they headed for the exit. There were two troopers in the antechamber. They cowered at the sight of her, and Poe pushed at her back before she could do any harm to them. Finn was more important.

The rain was still beating down when they rushed out onto the landing pad. Rey focused on keeping her footing across the wet tarmac while she sprinted for the shuttle. The bomb went off just as Poe jumped through the door. 

Rey willed Finn inside. The base lurched and tipped, making her slide back. Poe caught her wrist, and then there were more hands—the deserters. They heaved her inside and closed the door after her. The shuttle jumped forward.

Finn lay on the floor, a small pool of blood and rainwater forming beneath him. The deserters around him stared with wide eyes. Rey crawled to him and pressed her hands to his wound. They shook so bad. That desire to tear, to destroy, to burn still raged through her. It was all that buzzed in her ears with every beat of her heart.

And then Poe knelt beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Breathe, Rey,” he said gently. “Just breathe.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Poe’s hand was cold and damp with rainwater, but the weight of it, the sureness of it, was something she could focus on. He needed her. Finn needed her.

The rage abruptly abated as tears welled in her eyes. She would do anything, be anything, for her boys. 

The low thrum of Finn’s resonance filled her ears. It was unsteady now and fainter, but still there. Warmth filled her while the delicate cadence of her own resonance mixed with his. They wrapped together naturally, and she willed her own strength to uplift his. 

Her eyes opened. He was staring up at her now, and she held his gaze while she removed the metal shard in his side. Warmth spilled out of her fingertips. The blood in his abdominal cavity reabsorbed into his tissues. His liver regenerated where it had been cut through. The wound in his side fleshed over, and he sucked in a breath like he’d come up from underwater.

Rey’s resonance dimmed until it faded from her ears. Fatigue came down on her limbs like weights. Poe caught her before she hit the floor and gathered her against him. She shivered uncontrollably despite the heat of his body.

“Rey?” he said, soft but urgent—scared, she realized dimly.

Her eyes slid shut. “Thank you,” she murmured. “I’m sorry.”

His arms tightened around her. “Are you going to be all right?”

“I don’t know.” The tiredness in her bones felt different than any she’d experienced before. Healing Finn had taken much of her own life force.

“Take care of him,” she whispered as a sense of sinking overcame her.

“Rey, please.” His voice shook.

She didn’t know what he was pleading of her, but her body was slipping away while she sank deeper and deeper and deeper. Away from him. Away from Finn. Away from their light.

#

Poe had never felt panic like this before. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. His body trembled while he held Rey’s limp form to his chest. She was breathing shallowly, and her pulse was faint. Her skin was deathly cold. He didn’t even notice all the eyes on him or that Jannah was calling his name.

“I’m not strong enough,” he rasped as he pressed his face to the top of Rey’s head. “Please, Rey. I’m not strong enough.”

Finn lay prone on the floor, his chest rising and falling steadily. He had passed out shortly after Rey did and would probably make a full recovery. She had seen to that. She always took care of them.

Poe swept the tears from her cheeks and cradled her jaw. She was so pale. Fear rent his heart in his chest, and beneath the fear was a grief he’d become all too familiar with. He just wasn’t strong enough to lose her. 

Rose was suddenly beside him, hand on his shoulder. “Poe, look at me,” she said, firmly but not harshly.

He slowly turned his eyes away from Rey.

The brown of Rose’s eyes were warm, almost fiery. “I’ll take care of her. You need to get us back to base. Organa needs to see Rey.”

The truth of those words sunk in. It took all of Poe’s willpower to let Rose take Rey from him. He kissed Finn’s forehead before rising to his feet, chest still tight enough that breathing was difficult. The deserters stared at him, eyes sympathetic. His feet were heavy while he trudged to the pilot’s seat at the helm. Jannah glanced at him from her chair. The light of stars whizzing past the windscreen made Poe dizzy.

“It’s four hours to Minfar,” Jannah said softly. “Will she last until then?”

He didn’t know, so he didn’t answer. His hands moved over the console automatically, moving dials and switches to prep the ship for the strain of carrying more people. If they wanted to maintain speed, he’d have to divert energy from their shielding to accommodate the added weight.

“Poe—” Jannah started.

“I don’t think I’m in any place to talk, Jannah,” Poe said and leaned back in his chair. “Sorry.”

She was silent. 

He breathed in against the sob that wanted to push out of him. His eyes turned away from the windscreen to look back at Rey and Finn. They lay together on the floor, Rose smoothing bacta into their skin. Rey was still shivering. Her brows were pressed together like she was in pain.

His knuckles turned white from his grip on the controls as he faced ahead again. He wasn’t strong enough to lose her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I broke my hand. Next update might be a little later than usual.

“Please.”

His voice was far away.

“Rey.”

He was calling for her. She wanted to answer.

“Come back.”

Something burned in her chest, pulling at her insides. She held onto it. They were waiting for her.

“Rey!”

Her eyes snapped open as she gasped in a breath. Poe’s dark eyes hung over her. He held her hand in his. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He never cried.

Hands were at her chest. They burned where they touched her skin, but it compelled her to take another breath. The air hurt, like she was inhaling shards of glass. She kept breathing, though, and held Poe’s eyes. Her hand squeezed his.

“Just keep breathing,” he said gently. “You’re all right. Breathe.”

The hands on her chest were like fire, and dimly, she noted that they belonged to someone standing behind her head. The black ceiling of the base’s medical ward shone past Poe’s shoulder. Softness at her back indicated she was lying in a bed.

She cried out when the burning increased on her skin. Her breaths came faster now, but deeper. Poe’s grip was almost painfully tight on her hand.

“Almost done.” Organa’s voice. She must have been the one scorching life into Rey.

Poe brought Rey’s hand to his forehead and murmured something that sounded suspiciously close to a prayer. 

Organa withdrew her hands. The burning died down to an ache in Rey’s chest. She let out a shuddering breath and looked away from Poe for a moment to crane her head back. Organa stood at the head of the bed, breathing hard. She shuffled to a nearby bed and sat down with a sigh.

“Oh, I’m getting too old for this,” she muttered and ran a hand down her face.

Rey took a moment to catch her breath. Her lungs still felt raw. “What… What did you do?” she asked. Her limbs hummed with energy, like sparks beneath her skin.

Organa’s eyes were soft. “You gave too much of your life force healing Finn, so I had to give some back to you. Everyone pitched in—with consent, of course—to take some of the strain off me.”

Taking life force was definitely a dark power, but Organa didn’t seem out of control. And she’d transitioned to force healing evidently, which required connection to the light in others. She really was a powerful Jedi.

“Thank you,” Rey managed to rasp.

Organa waved a hand. “Just please be more careful. You’re vital to our forces.” She stood with a glance at Poe. “I must rest. I would urge you both to do the same.”

Poe nodded tersely, and Organa headed out of medical.

Rey took a deep breath, tired and wired at the same time. “Where’s Finn?” she asked. “Is he all right?”

Poe let out a breath and wiped at his face. “Yeah, he’s doing all right. They have him in surgery right now to put his ribs back together, but he’ll pull through just fine.”

Relief rushed through Rey. “Good.” She looked up at Poe, her heart twisting in her chest. “I’m sorry. I made you cry.”

He made a choked sound that wasn’t quite a chuckle, but it tried to be. “Yeah, well, you better make it up to me.”

She reached up to cradle his face in her hands. “Anything you want, I’ll do.”

His eyes closed as he pressed his forehead to hers. They stayed like that for a moment, breathing each other’s air. Her chest ached from his proximity. He had called her back to herself in the midst of her rage and sorrow—always pulling her back to him and the strength he offered. Maybe that was their balance. Her push and his pull. 

“I was terrified,” he whispered, breath grazing her lips. “You were fading from me, and I couldn’t do anything.”

Guilt stabbed through her chest. “I’m sorry.” Tears burned at her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Just don’t leave me.” He opened his eyes to look into hers. “Please.”

She stared up at him, something stirring in her. His resonance tugged at her as a dance partner did, insistent but not forceful. The hum of it filled her mind, near overwhelming in its intensity. He was passion and boldness, but also kindness. Always so strong. Always with her.

Maybe it was a bad idea. Maybe she’d regret it later. Maybe he would, too. But she couldn’t tolerate the fear anymore.

She pulled him down to her. He met her lips readily. There was more than a hint of desperation in the way she caught his mouth, and when he pressed into the kiss like it was keeping him alive, she wanted to give him everything—the world, the galaxy, herself. He rested a hand at her hip. His fingertips promised to burn his touch into her forever, and she’d feel their absence later like wounds that wouldn’t heal.

“I love you,” she breathed against his lips. Because she did. Because he deserved to know.

He swept her hair back from her forehead, eyes soft as he looked down at her. “I love you, too.”

Her heart skipped even as traces of fear twisted in her gut. She’d wanted to hear those words for a long time, resisted wanting them for longer, and the revelation of them brought with it uncertainty of their future. She’d always have the threat of the dark over her. And both of them would always have the larger threat of death on the battlefield. Falling in love seemed like insanity in the face of that. 

But they had anyway, hadn’t they?

“Take me to your room please,” she said. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

He didn’t question the request, just scooped her into his arms and carried her out of medical.

#

_ I love you. _

The words kept echoing in Poe's head. There was so much behind the phrase—an affirmation, a promise, a choice, an acknowledgement, a bond. And like all other things in his life, it terrified him. The sheer weight of it could have brought him to his knees, and perhaps it had, in a way. 

He knelt beside his bed to lay Rey onto it. She wasn't lacking in muscle, but she seemed so small now. The color had returned to her skin mostly. Warmth beat through her, chasing away the chill that had clung to her earlier. And her eyes had the light in them that he'd come to know as part of her. He would have done more than kneel to protect that light. 

"Thank you," she murmured and let out a long sigh. "I hate being in medical."

He had a small smile. "Too stuffy?"

"Too many memories." She lifted a hand to his cheek. "Too many times spent waiting for someone to tell me if you or Finn lived or died."

Poe's throat constricted.

"Is it wrong of me to be tired of waiting?" she continued softly. "Am I allowed to be tired? It'll never stop for as long as this war continues. Finn nearly died today, and it wasn’t the first time. Probably won’t be the last.” She covered her eyes with the back of her arm. “And I was so angry. I wanted to rip apart everyone in that kriffing base. I would have, too, if you hadn’t pulled me back.”

The image of Rey’s eyes, filled with fury and grief, flashed through Poe’s mind. He’d never seen her so overcome—like the woman he knew had disappeared under the darkness of her wrath and brought forth a lethal stranger. Instinctively, Poe had known that she would be lost to him forever if he didn’t do something. She probably knew, too, that he would have gone through with shooting himself. Finn may have shared a room with him, but Rey understood just as intimately the fragility of Poe’s mental state.

“You saved Finn, though,” he pointed out. “That was the light.”

“It felt like coming up for air,” she mumbled.

Poe’s comm chimed. He took it from his pocket to look at the screen. Organa was calling him. When he turned to Rey, she’d moved her arm from her face and stared at him.

“Take it,” she said.

He would rather gnaw his own foot off than part with her, but he connected the call and held his comm to his mouth. “What do you need, general?”

“I know you deserve a break,” Organa said with a sigh, “but the ex-troopers all need a place to go. Apparently they’ve decided to stay and help us. Can you find them bunks?”

“Of course, general. Please get some rest.” He disconnected and pocketed his comm.

Rey offered a small smile. “Go,” she said softly. “I’ll be all right here.”

Irrational fear told him that he’d return to his room only to find her cold, but he swallowed it down. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he promised. “If you need anything, just call.”

“Yes, sir.” She caught his shoulder before he stood.

He wasn’t sure what she was doing until she pulled him down to her. Their faces came close, but they both paused. He held her eyes, a stream of questions on his lips. What were they? Where did they go from here? How did she fit with him and Finn? Is that what she wanted?

She craned her neck, and he closed the distance between them. The kiss was softer than their earlier one, not so desperate—more a promise of things not yet said or done. They would talk later. 

"I'll be waiting," she whispered when they pulled apart. 

He kissed her forehead before standing and heading toward the door. "Please get some rest," he said with a glance over his shoulder.

When she nodded, he left. 

#

Finn stared at the ceiling in medical a long time after he woke from surgery. A nurse had come by not long ago to explain to him that Rey had healed the worst of his injuries, and they’d repaired his ribs. He was given the green light to leave as soon as the anesthesia wore off, which it had almost thirty minutes ago. But he just lay there, staring at the ceiling.

The memory of the blaster’s weight in his hand while he pressed it to Rey’s chest paralyzed him. He’d been ready to die and take her out with him, to stop her from becoming what she feared most. The darkness in her had been strong enough that he’d felt tendrils of it just being near her. It’d compelled him to rise from the floor, half out of his mind from blood loss, to do the impossible. And she’d let him. Her lightsabers had lowered. In her eyes had been the resignation to die, to let him take her life right then.

If Poe hadn’t come in, Finn would have pulled the trigger.

Deep guilt roiled in his gut and made him nauseous. She hadn’t been so lost that Poe couldn’t have pulled her back, and Finn still had raised the blaster to her. He’d just known that she had to be stopped. That had been all he could think about.

With a sigh, he threw his legs over the edge of the bed and got to his feet. They’d put him near the door thankfully, so he didn’t have to go far to leave. His ribs ached. They would for a while, according to the doctors. “Shattered” was the term they’d used, and reconstruction had been a slow process. He was lucky his bones hadn’t pierced his lungs.

By the time he made it to his room, his breaths came heavily, and he clutched his side where the worst of his injuries had been. The door slid open. He stepped in and froze.

Rey lay in Poe’s bed. Her eyes snapped open and set on him. They stared at each other. The door slid shut behind Finn, leaving them in near total darkness. Neither of them spoke. The silence drew out until it was nearly suffocating.

“Come here,” Rey said. Her voice was soft, but it still cut through the silence like a knife.

Finn hesitated before stepping forward. He carefully sat down on the bed’s edge, wincing at the strain of the movement on his ribs. 

Another silence fell. Finn wasn’t sure what to do or say. What could he say? She’d nearly died at his hand, and a simple apology seemed grossly inadequate.

“Finn.”

Her voice made him jump, which evoked another wince.

“You did what you had to,” she continued gently. “I’m only sorry I put you in that position.”

The guilt grew, dark threads of it seizing his chest. “I could have killed you.”

She paused a long moment. “It would have been the right thing to do.”

“Rey—”

“I asked Poe to do the same.” Her voice was strained and barely audible. “Back on Daru’akad, I asked him to end it if I went dark. I put that on him, and I hadn’t the right. He’s suffered enough. We didn’t want to tell you about the agreement because we thought you would try to stop us, if it ever came to that. But when it was right there, you were the one who stepped up. The only one who should feel guilty here is me. I hurt both of you so much.”

Finn’s heart twisted when he heard the unmistakable shudder and gasp of crying. He couldn’t see her face clearly in the dark, but he knew he’d see tears if he could. “Rey, I could have killed you. Poe was the one to pull you back. I didn’t even give you the chance.”

“I don’t think I could have been called back if Poe had done what he had alone. More likely, I would have just willed his blaster from his hand, so he couldn’t shoot himself.” She took a shaky breath. “But you being the one with the trigger… That was too much to bear. I thought I’d take you into the dark with me, and I would have done—I would do—anything to prevent that.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Finn mumbled. He’d known that she would rather have died than stay in the dark in the same way he knew he would rather die.

Silence fell again, but this one was less heavy—filled with reticence rather than guilt.

“Organa told me to find my balance,” Rey said abruptly, “and who fits in it. I thought initially that separating myself from you and Poe would let me focus on staying in the light.”

Finn’s heart beat too hard. “And now?”

Her next words were so quiet he almost missed them. "Loving you both is the greatest light in my life."

He closed his eyes against the fear and elation that burst through him. "Even after what I did?"

"Because of it." She reached through the dark unerringly to take his hand where it was braced on the bed. "I came back to myself to save you, and I know you and Poe would stop me if it became necessary. You keep me balanced."

He didn't resist her when she tugged him down by a hand to lay beside her. They faced each other. He could see her eyes this close and feel her breath. She pressed herself against him, body fitting to his easily. 

"Would you let me be selfish?" she rasped. "I have no right to ask for a place with you and Poe, but I would anyway."

"You'll always have a place with us, Rey." His fingers brushed over her cheek as he tucked her hair behind an ear.

Her eyes shimmered with fresh tears. "Even if I just burden you with keeping me in check?"

"It's not a burden." He smoothed a thumb over her cheek, wiping away the dampness there. "It's a privilege."

Her eyes squeezed shut while he kissed the tears from her cheeks. He didn't feel deserving of her, but could never deny her anything. 

If she wanted him, she'd have him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. Thank you all so much for your encouragement and kindness. I really appreciate it, and I hope you've enjoyed the story.

Situating the deserters—he really needed to call them something else—had taken longer than Poe anticipated. There were over twenty of them, most friends of Jannah, and they were shell-shocked, albeit ready to defend their freedom. Finding them room among the few barracks in the Resistance had included no small measure of digging through their stores to find cots and mats. It wasn’t a perfect situation, but the deserters didn’t seem to mind sharing floor space in rooms that already had four or five people. Organa would doubtlessly authorize building another barrack soon. With the amount of specialized workers already on base, the process would be relatively easy and, more importantly, cheap. Beds would be more of an issue, but something told him that the new additions to the Resistance wouldn’t ask for much.

He returned to his room, feeling more than a little weary after the shitstorm that was today. The sight of Finn and Rey, wrapped in each other’s arms in  _ his _ bed, set off some primal part of his brain that said  _ protect, nurture, provide _ —like they were his to look after. There was no room for him on the mattress with the both of them there, but he didn’t mind so much. He could have spent the rest of his life returning to them like this.

Trying to quietly undress down to his underwear and tanktop proved futile. Rey had always been a light sleeper—the result of years keeping one eye open from raiders on Jakku. Through the dark, the shadow of her head lifted while he discarded his clothes on the floor and padded over to Finn’s empty bunk. As soon as he lay down on it, her hand lifted to make a beckoning motion. The entire bed lifted a bare inch off the ground and near silently slid over to press flush to the other.

“I’d prefer you closer,” Rey whispered.

Poe also preferred that, so he reached over Finn to find her hand in the dark. A little sigh left Finn as the weight of her arm and Poe’s fell over his hip. He didn’t stir, didn’t give any other indication that he was aware of their presence. Poe pressed his forehead to Finn’s back, took a breath, and felt that all was right with the world.

#

The first rays of sunlight that came through the window woke Finn, as they always did. It was far less jarring than the fluorescent lights that had come on back at the Order’s barracks to mark the beginning of the work shift, but after over fourteen years, the sensitivity to light was ingrained. His eyes fluttered open with more difficulty than usual. A deep ache had settled in his ribs with soreness characteristic of a day-old injury, and physical fatigue burned in his muscles and bones.

The little sigh at his back made his head turn. Poe was curled into him, face as peaceful in his sleep as Finn had ever seen it. His arms were folded to his chest, fingers lightly grasping the back of Finn’s shirt. When had he brought the other bunk over?

A tickle at Finn’s neck brought his head back around. Rey was awake and pressing soft kisses to his throat. The heat that shot through him was embarrassingly immediate, and he withheld a shiver. She trailed up his skin and paused when she got to his lips, a silent request for permission. He caught her mouth hesitantly. This was new and precious and seemed so incredibly delicate that Finn half-expected her to disappear.

But she was warm against him and real as he’d ever felt. Her lips moved almost guidingly against his, drawing him in until he was pressing into her. He wrapped an arm around her waist to bring her body against him. His ribs protested the movement, but damned if he cared. 

She tasted of salt, maybe from tears, maybe from sweat. Something in him came alive, chasing away the background of his soreness, when she gasped at the first touch of his tongue at her lips. The drive to make her feel more of him, to evoke every pleased sound and shiver he could, was nearly overwhelming. He was so lost in her that he almost didn’t notice when Poe stirred behind him.

“Mm, well, damn,” Poe mumbled sleepily. “Good morning to me.”

Finn and Rey startled apart at the voice and looked up. Poe was partially sitting up, arm bracing him on the bed to peer over Finn's shoulder. An amused glint shone in his eyes. The easy smile he had, coupled with his bedhead, did little for Finn’s sanity.

“Don’t stop on my account,” he continued with a chuckle.

Rey’s cheeks were red, and Finn was thankful that his darker skin hid the heat in his face.

He glanced up and asked, "Did we wake you?"

Poe rested his chin on Finn's shoulder. "Well, I'm not a heavy sleeper to begin with, and the sounds you were making were...not quiet."

Finn's face was on fire. "Sorry about that," he mumbled. 

"No need to apologize. I was enjoying the show." Poe had a wolfish grin. "You're both stunning."

Of the three of them, Poe was the most comfortable with physical intimacy, and Finn guessed that Rey was the least. He might have taken the honor of least comfortable if he didn't exist in a constant state of touch-starved. The Order hadn't exactly been encouraging of physical affection, but they hadn't outright condemned it in off hours. On the other hand, Rey had her fair share of decidedly negative experiences with touch on Jakku that made her more reticent. Raiders and scavs and smugglers had ensured she was constantly under attack. The scars she bore chronicled a life filled with violence.

So Finn was surprised when she took Poe’s hand and brought it to her chest. And he was even more surprised at the choked noise that escaped Poe.

“I’d rather you didn’t just watch,” she said, her gaze steady.

Force save him, these two were going to be the end of Finn. The need pooling in his gut had uncommon strength, and he couldn’t help shivering at the way Poe’s face went from good-natured to almost predatory in an instant.

“Are you sure about that?” Poe asked, voice low in his chest.

A corner of Rey’s lips twitched as she arched into his hand. “You going to make me beg for it?”

His eyes darkened. “Is that a challenge?”

“Of course.” 

She ran a hand down Finn’s front until she found the bottom of his shirt. His breath left him sharply when her fingers slid beneath the fabric to dance across the bare skin of his abdomen. And then Poe’s lips were at his ear. Hands grasped at his thigh, and he wasn’t sure who they belonged to. Finn had the dawning realization—much too late—that he’d put himself between two typhoons who would absolutely destroy him and revel in making him come apart. 

He really shouldn’t have been surprised when they did just that.

#

Rey was drowning in Finn and Poe, and she didn’t want to come up for air. They still needed to talk. Questions hung between them, unspoken yet answered with grasping hands and searching eyes. Perhaps under different circumstances, she might have insisted they slow down to discuss just what they were and what to expect, but some part of her needed this—to feel them, beautifully alive, against her and inside her. And maybe her hands were too rough in their clinging. Maybe her nails bit a little too deep. Maybe her voice pitched too loud. But the desperation and need burning in her demanded release. 

Poe touched with confidence. His hands could hold her hips down with enough strength to make moving difficult, but not enough that she felt trapped. He used lips, teeth, and tongue with the kind of discretion and sureness that came with experience. The way he handled her and Finn was comparable only to the attentive care with which he flew. Her heart ached when she figured out that behind his intense focus was the determination to commit the feel of them to memory, to keep this if they didn't come back.

Finn was all caution and gentle caresses, almost worshipful in the way his hands slid over her skin—at least until she and Poe got their hands on him. Reducing him to needy moans and breathless pleas was deliciously easy, and then he was grasping and tugging with all the forceful urgency they gave him. The reverent whispers he placed at her ear would echo through her for years to come, she was certain.

They eventually lay together in a heap of tangled limbs and satisfied sighs. Somehow, she'd ended up on the opposite side of the bed of where she started. Poe lay in the middle, arms splayed out, so she and Finn could rest their heads on his chest. Someone—Rey couldn't remember who, possibly her—had thrown the bedsheets over their legs. She was steadily catching her breath, listening to Poe's heartbeat beneath her ear. Her thighs were pleasantly sore, and she suspected they would be for quite some time. 

Finn winced when he turned into Poe more. He'd tried to be mindful of his ribs—and certainly Rey and Poe had made him lie back more than not—but he was likely to need more rest after the workout they'd put him through. 

Poe's brows pressed together. "Are you all right?" he asked softly.

Finn nodded. "Yeah, just a twinge."

"You'd tell us if there were more of an issue, right?" Rey pressed with a firm look. 

"I promise you two will be the first to know." Finn had the kind of exasperated smile that was mostly fondness. "I'm perfectly fine."

She took the assurance as it was and sighed. "I think I could fall asleep again." 

Poe chuckled, sending vibrations from his chest into her. "Well, Organa did say we could have some rest," he pointed out. "Lying in bed with both of you doesn't sound like a bad way to spend the day."

"The whole base will talk," Finn muttered. 

"They've been talking," Rey said with a smile. "Jess and Rose had a pool going over when we'd get together."

Poe's lips twitched before he said, "Jess is going to be so mad Rose won that bet."

Finn blinked. "What was the bet?"

"Jess gave it two months, five months ago," Rey explained. "Rose gave it four, so she's the closest."

He chewed his lip a moment, air around him becoming heavy. "Are we...together?"

He and Poe looked at Rey. She might have panicked at the question yesterday, but while lying here with them, doubt seemed not only unnecessary, but silly. 

"I'd like to be," she admitted with a cautious look between her boys, "if you'll still have me."

Poe wasn't quite smiling, but he got that warm, gentle look in his eyes that never failed to make her heart skip. "Nothing would make us happier."

Finn reached across Poe's chest to take her hand, which definitely hurt his ribs, but he didn't show his discomfort.

She felt the sting of tears and had to bury her face in Poe's side to hide them. "That's good," she said, voice muffled. 

"Are you crying?" Poe asked, sounding somewhere between alarm and amusement.

"No." She was definitely crying. 

Finn chuckled. "Are you embarrassed?"

"Shut up."

Poe's fingers threaded through her hair. "I didn't know you were a happy crier," he mumbled. "It's cute."

She pinched his hip, making him jump. "Who would be happy with you jerks?"

He and Finn laughed. The sound made its way through Rey's ears and warmed in her chest. She let out a breath that'd been held for years and, for a moment, knew real peace.

#

_ 2 years later... _

The crate Rey sat on was much like any other. She had a cup of caf cradled in her hands while she stared out into the stars outside the hangar. D station was mostly uninhabited, used as a pit stop between systems—as it had been since the days of the Alliance. Organa claimed it was older than her, but the creaking tub still worked.

Its hangar’s metal walls were scuffed heavily with four decades of use, and Rey could almost feel the ghosts of the rebels before her in them. Had they waited here on crates, too, for their comrades and friends and lovers? Poe had once mentioned that his parents had fallen in love during the war against the Empire, as had his godparents. Han and Leia had, too. Maybe all of them once sat in this hangar, looking over the stars in the void, and waited. 

Only a transport shuttle, the one Rey had taken to get here, and two skiffs sat inside. She was scheduled to return to Minfar in two hours, and instead of sleeping, she sat on a crate with her caf to wait for her boys. They were on their way from the Black Spire Outpost, which the Order had tried to reclaim—without success, Jannah had assured her over a bad comm connection six hours ago. 

Rey had just finished up an assignment on Kashyyyk at Chewie’s advice. He’d heard of a potentially Force-sensitive child from some cousin’s best friend’s uncle, so Rey had gone to investigate. She and Organa had been trying to start another Jedi school, like Luke had. The main difference was that they didn’t teach their students to be afraid of the dark and focused instead on encouraging critical thinking, as well as adherence to personal values. 

Ren could talk all he liked about the promise of the First Order, but his allure wouldn’t be the power of the dark. Her students knew the dark already and could choose whether or not to indulge in it. They didn’t, unsurprisingly. Most of them understood at this point that the dark didn’t taint them or corrupt them—not inherently—but it did make them hard to be around and tempered their empathy. If that was who they wanted to be, they could and understood that as a choice, not something forced on them. They almost always returned toward the light on their own. Very rarely did friends or family have to step in, but Rey didn’t think less of those that needed the support. She was one of them, after all.

Her mission on Kashyyyk had proved promising. The young Wookie she’d met was strong with the Force, and she’d given him the option to come to her school, which she and Organa had built on the bones of Ahch-to. He and his family were considering it. She anticipated a proper response in the next couple days, and if not, then Chewie would certainly follow up.

She sipped her caf in the quiet, thinking through the next week of lesson plans. Her students were a large facet of her life, and she’d taken to teaching better than she’d thought. Luke’s persistent grumpiness also made more sense now that she was on the other side of things. Training people to be centered and balanced was maddening when all they did tended to lend toward being uncentered and unbalanced. It’d taken no small level of patience and compassion to get through the first group, and she hadn’t actually found comfortable footing until the second group. They still drove her insane sometimes.

Finn was on his way to finishing his Jedi training and joining her as a teacher. Organa was still the authority on that, and she hadn’t yet cleared him. But he was close, Rey suspected. His powers had only grown over the years as he trained. She’d even helped him craft his own lightsaber when he got to that point, and he’d bonded with it immediately.

She still carried Luke’s and Organa’s sabers. They were a connection, of sorts, to their light and had minds of their own in a sense—perhaps from age or the love of their former wielders. She knew that she could depend on them to hold steady, even if she didn’t. Any lightsaber that she made right now would carry traces of her uncertainty. One day she’d craft her own—maybe even soon, given her growing comfort with riding the line between light and dark—but not quite yet.

Poe and Finn were probably the most grounding forces in her life. Poe was decidedly less stable than Finn in most cases, but that wasn’t a bad thing. His passion urged her to always do more, be more. Like fire, he reached and spread and turned the ordinary into light and heat. And sometimes he was more like candlelight—gentle and contained, but shining just the same.

Finn seemed tremendously steady by comparison. Not to say he was boring, far from it, but his strength lay in patient persistence. That resolve of his was tireless, beating away at fear and doubt like the tides beat entire cliffs to sand. When Rey needed someone to quiet her incertitude, Finn would always be there with firm words and a firmer embrace.

She closed her eyes and took another sip of caf, letting the silence wash over her. Two years ago, anxiety would gnaw at her while she waited, but there was calm now. Something like contentedness had settled in her over time, mollified her fear with sweet memories that she could hold onto. Being in love, as it turned out, was far more than fast hearts and protectiveness. In fact, it was found more often in casual touches shared during moments of peace and in offers of support for times of distress.  _ I love you _ could just as easily be said in a look as it could verbally. And she’d keep those moments of love with her even if it faded out of her reach. 

An hour passed in silence before a new shuttle pulled into the hangar. Her eyes snapped open at the first sound of the engines, and she stood from her crate. Poe and Finn climbed out just moments after touching down. Blood and dirt flecked their clothes and faces, but they smiled at her just the same as she strode toward them.

The truth was any of them could leave at any moment, but they’d go having savored every second together. Every moment was a gift and every smile an affirmation of the lives they’d lived. So she’d wait every time, in quiet hangars and on old crates, for her boys to come back to her.


End file.
